Anyone who knows me pretty well can testify to my natural inclination to see the good in everyone, find the bright spot in a tough situation, and smile in the face of some pretty dire circumstances. Lately, it seems as though all my optimistic powers are falling flat. My favorite Bible verses, inspirational quotes, and songs are still ringing in my head, but they don’t seem to be charging me up and fueling me the way that they used to. I’ve spent the past few weeks in deep introspection (or as I like to call it “being alone in my head without adult supervision”) and I still couldn’t quite put my finger on what’s been nagging me. After spinning my head through my emotional blender for the umpteenth time, I began to recognize that I have allowed my emotions to run the show. I was desperately looking for anything that would give me my next hit of happiness and joy. As I took a step back from my feelings, I started to see that my optimism needed to grow up.
Although my chronological age is 30, some days I act like a 5-year-old little girl. I am happy when things were going well, but I stomp, kick, and scream when things and especially people don’t go my way. I started to see that, like most little kids, I was a slave to my feelings. My optimism was totally dependent on if I really felt like things would go my way, on my time schedule. As an adult, I know that life doesn’t work like that, but the little kid inside of me was screaming, “WHY NOT?” When I sat 5-year-old Leah on a timeout, I started to understand that my feelings are a very fickle thing to put my faith in. Shoot, if I only did things when I felt like doing them, I’d never do icky grown-up stuff like going to the dentist, visiting the OB/GYN, or trying something new. I began to see that grown-up optimism isn’t based on what I feel but what I KNOW.
I know beyond a doubt that God loves me; I know that He always provides a way for me; and I know that He has always sent incredible people to support and anchor me throughout my life. With all of this wonderful knowledge and a lifelong track record of seeing God’s incredible blessings upon my life, I recognize that my feelings are irrelevant. I have to remember and KNOW that ALL things are working together for my good. So, the question is, Will I continue to put my faith and hope in Him even if I can’t feel it? I sincerely believe that as I begin to say “Yes” more and more to that question, my optimism will grow up and my childish ways of thinking will begin to fade.
So, I know that in this season of uncertainty, my optimism isn’t always going to feel like rainbows and sunshine. I have to know that truly God is working everything out for my good. I’m learning that grown-up optimists don’t always feel good but they have faith and know that the good seeds that they have planted will reap a harvest in just the right way at just the right time.
Although my chronological age is 30, some days I act like a 5-year-old little girl. I am happy when things were going well, but I stomp, kick, and scream when things and especially people don’t go my way. I started to see that, like most little kids, I was a slave to my feelings. My optimism was totally dependent on if I really felt like things would go my way, on my time schedule. As an adult, I know that life doesn’t work like that, but the little kid inside of me was screaming, “WHY NOT?” When I sat 5-year-old Leah on a timeout, I started to understand that my feelings are a very fickle thing to put my faith in. Shoot, if I only did things when I felt like doing them, I’d never do icky grown-up stuff like going to the dentist, visiting the OB/GYN, or trying something new. I began to see that grown-up optimism isn’t based on what I feel but what I KNOW.
I know beyond a doubt that God loves me; I know that He always provides a way for me; and I know that He has always sent incredible people to support and anchor me throughout my life. With all of this wonderful knowledge and a lifelong track record of seeing God’s incredible blessings upon my life, I recognize that my feelings are irrelevant. I have to remember and KNOW that ALL things are working together for my good. So, the question is, Will I continue to put my faith and hope in Him even if I can’t feel it? I sincerely believe that as I begin to say “Yes” more and more to that question, my optimism will grow up and my childish ways of thinking will begin to fade.
So, I know that in this season of uncertainty, my optimism isn’t always going to feel like rainbows and sunshine. I have to know that truly God is working everything out for my good. I’m learning that grown-up optimists don’t always feel good but they have faith and know that the good seeds that they have planted will reap a harvest in just the right way at just the right time.
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