NOW…Another Chapter

There was hardly a day that went by in my home without my siblings and I hearing my father, the late, great Howard Lakins, Sr., say “NOW….another chapter.” When I was younger, I thought that he just said this phrase a lot so that he could test the volume on his hearing aids. Now, as an adult I realize that he repeated this mantra often to remind himself and those around him to let go of the past and keep moving forward.

As a chronic overthinker and a recovering perfectionist, Lord knows I get caught up on some chapters in my life that God has closed the book on a LONG time ago. I tend to get especially nitpicky about past chapters of my life at the end of the year. I start thinking about all the things I haven’t accomplished, all the chances I should have taken, and all the things I should have said. I get so mired in critiquing and re-editing the previous year’s chapters that I forget that there are new chapters and new books that are yet to be written. Before I know it, my mind is swimming in doubt, regret, and fear. But, just before I completely lose myself in the process over critiquing myself, God reminds me to take a deep breath, and in that moment I can hear my Daddy saying, “NOW…another chapter.”

Friends, we can choose to flip to the next chapter of our lives at any moment. We don’t have to keep reliving a bad relationship, a boss from hell, or those days when life didn’t go our way. Yes, there are some things that we coulda, shoulda, and woulda done better, but it’s time for us to move on. What good is it for us to get stuck on Chapter 9 from 1972 when God is trying to move our lives into a brand new book or even a brand new library? How long will we keep a bookmark on that dark page that God’s grace and forgiveness has already covered? NOW is the time for another chapter.

One of my absolute favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 3: 13-14, which states,

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

I just LOVE this scripture because it reminds me to shut the book on yesterday’s chapter and keep pressing towards those greater goals and dreams that God has for me.

As we come to the end of another year, set aside some time during this holiday season to take a reflective and constructive look inside your book for 2009. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done, celebrate your victories, and think about alternatives for cussing out fewer people out in 2010 or whatever gnarly habits you need to break in the New Year. But, remember as you go through your book don’t get hung up on your chapters. This chapter called 2009 will be over before we know it. NOW is the only moment we have to do better, be better, and love better. NOW is the only chance we have to co-create our lives with our ULTIMATE creator. NOW is the only time that matters. NOW is the time…for another chapter!

May your holidays be filled with pages of love, laughter, friends, family, good food, good conversation, and more joy than your heart can contain.

Love, Actually

I had the wonderful opportunity to spend this past Saturday afternoon with four of my favorite people in the world—my big sisters. We had a wonderful day of caring and sharing over brunch, despite the fact that a few of my breakfast potatoes were undercooked and I forgot to buy hot sauce (Sorry, Wanda!). The gem of the day for me was our RICH discussion about love and relationships.

I realized that I have been TERRIFIED about relationships because I have been viewing them through the lenses of way too many romantic comedies, my inability to let my guard down, and my fears about divorce and infidelity (Thanks, Tiger!). I’ve also recognized that I have been tightly attached to my own Cinderella fantasies about when, where, and how I will meet my Prince Charming. My current fantasy of choice is to meet a well-dressed, well-educated Black man at my local Barnes & Noble on a spring afternoon in the African American Studies aisle. We will instantly bond over our love of Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, and our disdain for people who don’t know how to use the English language properly. Pretty outrageous, eh? But I have shut down MANY a guy for not meeting up to these and other impossible ideals that I have held about love. I’m grateful to my sisters for helping me to open up my eyes to how I have been dealing with men.

I almost died when my sister Wanda said, “Leah, you can’t expect to look at a guy across the way at a restaurant and say ‘Oh, I just love the way that he cuts his steak’ and expect to fall instantly in love with him.” She totally blew my Barnes & Noble fantasy to pieces. I began to see during our discussion that great love takes time to develop and LOTS of work to sustain. It doesn’t just magically spawn and develop overnight. Love isn’t just flowers, cards, and candy; it’s also arguments, compromise, tears, and frustration. Love isn’t just what happens at the end of a Julia Roberts movie. Love is hanging in there during cancer, the loss of a child, unemployment, and disappointment. If a person is the ONE or the one for this season in your life, love isn’t really love until you experience ALL parts of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. This realization helped me see that it was time to get off the relationship bench of fear and get into the game of love.

And of course, no relationship discussion is complete without the topic du jour -- the ill-fated Tiger Woods. Being a relationship novice, I CANNOT wrap my head around why in the hell he decided to cheat on his wife with 10 different women.* However, my sister Diane made a good point when she explained that no one goes into a relationship or marriage thinking that he or she will cheat on their spouse or expecting other life-altering relationship challenges. It is up to each person to keep the relationship going strong, make each day fresh, and stay committed to the union when life shows up and turns your world upside down.

So, at almost 3:00 a.m. on a school night, I now see that love is actually more than my bookstore fantasy. Love is about letting go of my impossible yardstick for perfection and being willing to allow men to come into my life and be who they are, without me judging their ability to use the King’s English perfectly. Love is about being willing to let my heart get scratched and cracked (just a little bit!). Love isn’t just about looking for a core shaker; love is about discovering that great lover and friend who will be with you when life shakes you to the core.

*This number of women identified as former mistresses of Tiger Woods is based on Google News reports as of 2:35 a.m. This blogger is not responsible for any additional waitresses, hotel attendants, or pole dancers who come forth after this blog entry is published.

A "Precious" Conundrum

Like many of you, I had been dying to see the new film “Precious” for weeks. After all of the glowing praise and promotional spots on TV and the web, I was eager to experience this movie for myself. I finally saw the film this past Saturday and I am STILL shaken by its emotional intensity. I will probably NEVER see this film again in my life (it was WAY too much for me!); however, I applaud director Lee Daniels’s courage to create such a gripping film that sheds a light on the realities of domestic abuse. As those graphic images from the film replayed in my head on Saturday night and disturbed my slumber, I woke up on Sunday morning grateful that I had seen the movie because it made me realize how blessed I am to have a family that truly loves and supports me. But, at the same time, it also left me with a million questions about how we can help the young girls and women who are living this nightmare every day.

For most of my childhood, I was raised by my sisters Diane and Donna. These women made some HUGE sacrifices for me to be the woman that I am today. Trust me, I was no walk in the park, especially during my moody teenage years. After seeing “Precious” it made me realize just how blessed I was to have them supporting me and my dreams. Because Diane and Donna always kept a roof over my head and food on our table, I had the luxury of stressing about mundane teenage woes such as trying to get a boyfriend, boosting my popularity, and earning passing grades in my dreaded math classes. I cannot even begin to fathom what it would have been like to spend my teenage years experiencing the kind of abuse that Precious endured.

While I this film helped me to put my own life in perspective, I now have a “Precious” conundrum. This movie made me wonder about and ache for the young girls and women for who “Precious” is not a film, but their reality. Most of us saw this film and were able to go back to our comfortable and safe lives. But what about the girls and women that are in real domestic danger? How do we help them? How do we prevent abuse like this from even beginning? Sometimes I hate watching films and documentaries like this because they leave me with more questions than answers. I have no doubt that this film will sweep up many accolades during award season (MoNique was absolutely INCREDIBLE in this movie. She truly scared the SH— out of me!). However, after the hype from this movie has died, how do we use this spotlight on domestic abuse for a greater purpose? How can we keep the “Precious” girls in our communities from becoming another statistic?

There’s No Job Too Small

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Over the past three years, I have come to greatly appreciate the maintenance staff at my apartment complex. These men are the most dedicated professionals that I have ever seen.

Tonight, I came home to discover that my toilet, which has been running non-stop for the past two days, was still running after two previous maintenance calls. After dinner, I made yet another call to the after-hours maintenance answering service and within 20 minutes another maintenance guy came to look into my leaky toilet. He came right into my bathroom and without a second thought he took the top off of my toilet and immediately plunged his bare hands into my toilet to further investigate the problem. Being the uber girly girl that I am, I was grossed out by the sight of this guy sticking his hands in sewer water and fiddling with toilet parts. When I got over my gagging moment, I was humbled by the fact that this man honored his job enough to answer my after-hours page, stop whatever he was doing, and make his way to my apartment to solve my problem. I’m assuming that at 8:30 at night he was probably kicking back with his family or maybe about to crack open a cool can of beer before Monday Night Football. But, instead he was up to his elbows in my toilet water. Even though my toilet still isn’t working properly (Argh!), I profusely thanked him for coming to my apartment. There certainly isn’t much glamor and prestige in the maintenance field, but these seemingly small and thankless tasks that these men do make a huge difference in the comfort that I have in my home.

After the maintenance guy left, I began thinking about the opening quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. I realize that there is great honor in doing every job well and with excellence. Even in my day job as a book editor where cynicism flows more readily than praise, I have to remember that every little thing that I do for my authors is valuable, whether I receive a compliment or not. If I don’t show up and do my part, the world will not have the benefit of my meticulous editing skills, my special jokes, and my laugh that has been known to light up a room. Obviously, I’m being a little braggadocios here, but we all have to remember that who we and every little thing what we do MATTERS to somebody.

We all can’t be Oprah, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, or President Obama. Somebody has to deliver the mail, remove the trash, teach the kids, and maintain the roads. While these jobs aren’t particularly sexy or noteworthy, there is no job too small or inconsequential when it is done well and with honor.

While I pray that my professional path will not involve me getting elbow-deep in toilet water any time soon, I am so honored and inspired this man who attended to my toilet with such fervor and care that I am dedicating this day to working as hard and as passionately as he does.

Let every little thing that you do today light up the world around you!

The Joy of Being An Auntie

As I was holding my newest nephew, Joshua, last week, I was reminded of one of the great gifts that I have had by being part of a large family – the joy of being an auntie.

I can still remember the first time I held my oldest nephew, Clifton (Tank), when I was just 7 years old. I timidly asked my sister Wanda to hold him and when she put him in my arms, I was so mesmerized by his tiny fingers and toes. At age 23, he can now hold me (LOL!) and I’m so proud of the incredible young man that he is becoming.

Being the cool auntie to my nieces and nephews is great because I get to be the fun adult that they can share with and relate to. It’s also wonderful for me because I can be a vicarious parent and send them back home to my siblings when they start to get on my nerves! I have so many amazing memories with all of them, some of my favorites include

• Watching Tank and Chris during one summer and having to beat one of them with a plastic bat. I was unsuccessful because one of them (I think it was Chris) slid under their bed

• Babysitting my oldest niece Karin for the first time and since she didn’t poop, I left an overflowing pee-pee filled diaper on her for SEVEN hours! Rinn, I’m sorry for that diaper rash!

Taking joy in the fact that one of Karin’s first words was “Eeah”

• Babysitting my nephew Tyler and trying to figure out why he would not stop crying. I turned him over and discovered that he had poop going all the way up his back! After that, we were good. This little bugger is now 7 years old and takes great pride in kicking my butt in Dance Dance Revolution.

• My ABSOLUTE favorite memory is Tank and Chris’s excitement when the ice cream truck would arrive in our neighborhood. They could not pronounce the syllable “tr” when they were toddlers and they would replace the “tr” with the “f” sound. So, every time they heard the chimes of the ice cream truck, one of them would say, “Mommy, Daddy, here comes the ice cream f---. Made me laugh EVERY time.

With nieces and nephews ranging from 23 to 3 weeks old, it’s just awesome to see how these little people in my life are blooming and to take pride in the fact that Aunt Leah’s love had a little something to do with how wonderful they are becoming.

I look at my littlest nephews Thomas Jr. and Joshua and I can’t wait to have as much fun with them as I did with Tank and Chris. Hopefully, I will get a little bit more respect from them than I did with Tank and Chris, but I can’t ask for too much, right?

Thank you Tank, Chris, Karin, Emmanuel, Kezia, Tyler, Thomas Jr., Taylor, and Joshua for filling my life with so much joy. Being your aunt is one of the best gifts that I could ever have. I am so proud of each and every one of you and I am just bursting with excitement to see how great all of you are going to be.

Forever Young

My cruise getaway to Bermuda was just too fabulous to put into words. But the absolute highlight of my trip was the conversation that I had with Mr. Joe during the Midnight Buffet.

By the third day of my cruise, I was super relaxed and feeling fine. All of the trivial things that I was stressing and worrying about before my trip were floating far, far away on the Atlantic Ocean. That evening, the ship’s magnificent cooks and servers had laid out the most spectacular spread for the Midnight Buffet. I make no exaggeration when I tell you that the spread was at least four feet long. I was actually kinda ticked that I ate dinner on the late shift and was still full by the time the buffet began. I stuffed down what few morsels my overstuffed tummy could hold, ordered a slamming Pina Colada, and joined the rest of my ship mates in dancing to the Electric Slide, Booty Call, and the Cupid Shuffle. It had been far too long since I had had that much fun. I was in heaven.

An hour later and a half later, my belly and my feet told me that it was time to call it a night. As I got ready to return to my cabin, I ran into one of my dinner partners, Mr. Joe. Mr. Joe is a 68-year-old retired computer programmer from D.C. He had me howling at dinner with his beautiful spirit and his delightful tales. While I was preparing to go meet the Sandman, Mr. Joe told me that he and his crew were just revving up and were going to do a little bit more dancing at the ship’s disco room. As I began gathering my things, Mr. Joe invited me to join him dancing. I politely refused and told him that I was tired.

Mr. Joe got a real serious face and took me to the side and said, “Leah, baby, how old are you?”

I said, “I’m 30, sir.”

He looked at me disapprovingly and said, “Now, let me tell you this. You start doing old folks things, you gonna start being old. Now c’mon up here with me to this disco and enjoy yourself.”

Before I knew it, I had joined Mr. Joe at the disco and we had fun dancing to R. Kelly’s “Love Slide.” After that, I was really tired, and I bid good night to Mr. Joe and his comrades. I discovered the next day that he and his crew shut the disco down at 2:30!

Out of all the wonderful people I met on the ship, my conversation with Mr. Joe at the Midnight Buffet has stayed with me because I realize that I want to be as fun, lighthearted, and energetic as he is as I get older. To paraphrase the classic phrase, “Getting older is mandatory, growing older is optional.” I’m not looking forward to creaky knees, reading glasses, and Ben Gay. But, I am looking forward to being wiser and more thoughtful and living my life even more fully than I do now. I was inspired by folks like Mr. Joe who could still party till 2:30 in the morning. I don’t think that shutting down a dance floor will ever be my calling (LOL!), but I look forward to being one of those fantastic older divas who still has life and vitality and can rock a pair of fabulous heels well into my 60s and 70s.

Thank you, Mr. Joe, for inspiring me to be forever young.

The Art of Piddling

Greeting from my favorite place on earth -- my couch. Yes, friends it is Vacation Day #3 and the living is easy. I had a whole list of things to get into today, but I decided that I just wanted to sit here and perfect the fine art of piddling. What is piddling? Taking time to do absolutely positively nothing and love every moment of it.

I used to feel SO guilty when my friends and family teased me about my marathon piddling sessions. It's nothing for me to watch TV for six or seven hours, soak in the tub for two hours, and sleep for at least 10 hours on a Saturday morning. As my life has become fuller and richer with new friends and awesome opportunities over the last few months, it's been a little harder to get in my piddling time. I also recognize that it's no small feat to get up every day and work, combat office politics, be present for friends and family, and manage to keep it all together. So, when I am blessed to have a stretch of a few hours to sit back and relax, I get my piddling on.

Pidding is refreshing, reviving, and necessary. I realize that I am speaking from the vantage point of being a single gal without the responsiblities of a relationship or children at this point in my life. But piddling time isn't just for single folks; it's even more crucial for those of you who are married with childen. Kick your hubby out of the house for an hour or two and make sure he takes the kids with him. Call up your single girlfriend and ask her to watch your kids for a few hours (Note: To my girlfriends with kids, not this week, tho. LOL!). We all MUST make sure we are taking the time to refresh our spirits by vegging out, having long phone calls with good friends, reading a good book in one sitting, or just sitting in our favorite chair and just being grateful for life.

Yes, you all can feel free to make fun of me on the 25th when my vacation is over. But for now, it's me, a bag of Pirate's Booty, a liter of Diet Dr. Pepper, and 20 hours of worth of my favorite shows on my DVR. Let the piddling commence!

P.S., Are you one of those folks who doesn't know what to do with your free time? Pick up The Art of Doing Nothing by Veronique Vienne. This is a great book full of great ideas for a day of piddling.