The Best Dreams Don't Come from a Microwave

Over the course of my life, I have seen things in this world get fast, fast, and even faster right before my eyes. In a little over 30 years, I have owned a turntable, walkman, discman, and now an iPod. I’ve gone from typing out assignments on a word processer to writing my weekly blog posts on a laptop. I can remember watching my brothers, Thomas and Raymond, staying up late at night to play games on Atari in the early 80s and now I watch my 6-year-old nephew Tyler kick my butt on any game on Nintendo Wii. I’ve gone from growing up in a house where my mother or father made a home cooked meal every day to nuking a prepackaged meal in the microwave or running to my favorite fast food joint for dinner. While there are definitely advantages to having these modern-day conveniences at our fingertips, the trouble comes when we think that God should move at the speed of a bag of microwave popcorn, too. Much to our displeasure at times, God still likes to do things the old-fashioned way.

I was talking with one of my seminar leaders earlier this week about my frustration about finding my next career move. I told him that I have been looking, applying, interviewing, and networking for new opportunities for well over a year. I explained that I was being very prayerful, positive, and hopeful. I told him all about the billions of affirmations that I have posted all over my bathroom mirror. With a dramatic sigh of exasperation, I said, “What the heck am I doing wrong?” He looked at me and said, “Leah, it doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong. These things don’t just happen over night. Great things take time to show up.” He gently reminded me of awesome men like Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King, Jr. who held on to dreams for MANY years before the reality of what they stood for showed up.

As I thought about those great men for a moment, I realized that while this past year has felt like FOREVER to me, it really is no time at all. Imagine if Nelson Mandela would have given up after one year in prison or if Martin Luther King, Jr. would have stopped standing for civil rights after his first march. South Africa would still be under the rule of apartheid and people of color in the United States would still be oppressed. We couldn’t have even dreamed about having Barack Obama as our first African American president without the determination and perseverance of Dr. King and many other civil right leaders like him. While I know that my life’s purpose is different from Mandela’s and King’s visions, I recognize that I have to take my dreams out of the microwave and put them in God’s oven.

I’m realizing that great dreams are like a good meal. It takes more than a three-minute spin around the microwave to get what God really has in store for us. A good meal needs careful planning and patience. We have to pick the best and freshest ingredients; roll and mix things together with just the right spices; bake our dishes at the right temperature and for the right amount of time; and be patient and allow our the ingredients to marinate and steep to perfection. While modern-day technology can simulate home cooking from the microwave, we can all immediately taste the difference between a real home cooked meal and a something that comes out of a box.

Ok, now that I made you hungry, what am I getting at? For me, I know that I have to be more patient with God and with myself. There are some things that I have been praying about for years that I feel that God has pushed way to the back of the oven. While I allow some things to frustrate me, I know in the end that God’s timing is so much better than I could ever imagine. If I got everything when I wanted, just how I wanted it, without ever having to struggle for anything, what kind of faith would I have? How would I know to keep believing in God and not just give up when my hope begins to fade? I have to believe that God knows how to put together the ingredients of my life in just the right way, at just the right time. I trust that God knows when He needs to turn the heat up and when I need to be basted. I have to have faith that He knows when I need to be slow roasted or broiled. And even though I wish God’s oven timer would go off NOW (!!!), I believe that with all my heart that the meal that he has planned for me is going to blow my socks off.

I pray that my food-inspired posting on faith will help you to hold on to whatever you are dreaming for just a little while longer. Whether your blessings take 1, 2, or 25 years to become a reality, know that God’s timing is the BEST timing of all. Instead of impatiently pacing in front of the microwave of life, let’s put our dreams in God’s oven and make sure that our heart, minds, and souls are prepared for all the things that we are praying for. Ok, I’m going to go eat dinner now. Be blessed!

(P.S., Um, God, since I have been praying for the love of my life since I was 13, I’m really expecting for him to be like a like the best Thanksgiving meal ever. I’m just saying…)

Learning to Take a Compliment

I was watching the new season of "Project Runway" with my friend Laura on Thursday night, and I had a light bulb moment as we watched the show. One of the designers, Chris March, created a beautiful clothing collection during the competition and he was absolutely shocked when he made it to one of the top four slots. He began groveling and questioning his right to be a part of the competition. He even began to cry a little bit. Then, Laura, in her trademark frustration, looks at the screen and says, "That makes me so mad. He's just like you. He doesn't recognize how great he is." Laura has said things like that to me a MILLION times, but it finally hit home when she said it to me that night.



I'm a person who LOVES to lavish praise and compiments on others, but I've always had the HARDEST time accepting a compliment because I sometimes feel like people are lying or just trying to make me feel good. My low thoughts and beliefs rise up and tell me that I can't possibly be this wonderful person that these people are claiming for me to be. But, I know that God brings people in my life to hold up a mirror and show me who I am now and who I can be. Like Chris, most of the time I find a way to shy away or devalue my worth when others compliment me, but slowly but surely I am learning to say "Thank you." I'm learning that it's easier to accept a compliment from a true friend than to find reasons to invalidate the gifts and joy that they can see but I'm too stubborn to value for myself.



When we shut down a compliment, basically we are telling the other person that he or she is a liar. We are telling them that we really don't hold any value in their lives. When I began looking at my reluctance to receive compliments from that perspective, it made me feel horrible for not accepting the God-given gifts that HE allows to share every day. For me, I know that as I continue to accept my role as a beaming, hilarious, positive, and motivating lady, my friends are more willing to open up and be the best that they are, too. Compliments are a great affirmation that who we are makes a difference in the world around us. And, if you have really good friends like I do, their compliments are truly some of the best gift to receive -- they're even better when we actually accept them.

If you are blessed to receive a compliment today, just say "Thank you." Accept it as your payment for doing your small part to shine your light today.



P.S., See, Laura, I DO listen to you!!!

Let’s Get This Party Started Right!

Real joy and sustained peace come from within, nourished by a healthy engagement for one’s life and comfort with oneself. If you don’t enjoy your own company, no one else will either. Fun-loving people attract others because they start the party before any guests arrive. -Bishop T.D. Jakes

In this past year, I have really learned how to enjoy my singleness. Two weekends ago, I had the joy of meeting new folks; savoring the taste of melted cheese, melted chocolate, and two rounds of “joy” punch at the Melting Pot; celebrating my oldest sister’s 50th birthday; reviving my spirit at church; and enjoying a blissful night of music with the Mighty Mos Def. With all that excitement, it’s no wonder why I was conked out on Monday morning. But, I didn’t always see things that way…

Before I became enlightened about the joy of singleness, I lived with this thought that my life would magically become better once I found my special guy. I’d have fantastic nights out with my girlfriends, eating, drinking, dancing, watching movies, and indulging in good conversation. But, I would always feel empty and worthless because I was angry that my electric personality didn’t translate as well to the men I was trying SO desperately to attract. I was BEYOND frustrated. Then, about a year ago, I was watching an old episode of “Oprah” that featured some of the speakers from “The Secret,” including motivational speaker Lisa Nichols. I was captivated by her brutal honesty about how she only attracted men who were “dogs” into her life because her self-esteem was so low. She realized that she wasn’t praying to God for a quality man and that she was wearing a perfume of “desperation.” Wow! You could have knocked me over with a feather after watching that segment.

I haven’t been blessed with wild, adventurous tales of dating men from the dark side (Thank you, Jesus!), but I certainly viewed my singlehood as a curse and was relentless about pushing every guy that I met into the marriage express lane. By being so focused on hooking a guy, I inadvertently turned off the lovable, fun-loving Leah and turned on the desperate-I’ll-just-take-any-man Leah. After taking an honest look about how I was approaching my dating life, I realized that my plan of attack was certainly not attractive to me and it was probably pretty repulsive to the guys I tried to date. So, I decided to try a new approach — just be authentically me. I discovered that when I am really loving my life and being true to myself, men are attracted to my ongoing life party and are interesting in getting to know the real me. I have literally been shocked these past few months by how men now approach me when I LEAST expect it. Now, I would really appreciate if men would stop coming up to me when I am hot and sweaty after a long walk, but I can’t be choosy, right? LOL!

I just LOVED this quote from the T.D. Jakes article because it reminded me that people are attracted to you when you are creating and living a life that you fully enjoy. We only LIMIT ourselves when we think that our lives will get better once we get married and have children. (I beg you to talk to your married friends, I’m sure that will have a MUCH different story for you!) So, I challenge each of you (as I remind myself!), enjoy your singlehood NOW! Let your party be in full swing every day. When you are truly loving yourself, other people will be banging down your doors to join in on your fun.

Reference

Jakes, T.D. (2009, August). Single and satisfied. Essence, 39(8), 156.

On the Way to Bible Class with E. Lynn Harris

I was introduced to the wonderful world of E. Lynn Harris by my fellow Western High School alumna Mackenzie Lawson during 12th grade. She highly recommended his books, and since I had the most magnificent, slightly above minimum wage job at my local public library, I went in and checked out his first novel, Invisible Life, soon thereafter. I decided to start reading this book on a Friday evening while I was traveling to Bible Class on the bus. After I paid my fare, I sat down and was immediately engrossed in the first chapter. So, I was reading, reading, reading, still reading…and then I get to p. 17 -- Harris writes a very poignant description of the main character’s first homosexual encounter with a man. Dear God!! MY EYES! MY EYES! This was way TOO much for my naïve, Apostolic-raised, 17-year-old eyes. I immediately shut the book and promised God that I would not read anything by this author ever again. Three weeks later, I got over my initial shock, finished that book in four days, and fell deeply in love with the exquisite and delightful work of E. Lynn Harris.

My heart was deeply saddened upon learning about E. Lynn Harris’ death a few weeks ago on July 24, 2009. He brought so much joy to my heart through his books and his humble presence. While he received some criticism and some heart-stopping reactions similar to my Bible Class story based on his choice to focus his novels on homosexual relationships in the African American community, Harris won over millions of fans with his memorable characters (Kyle was my fav!) and his heart-warming stories about love, friendship, and redemption. Harris’s rise from a computer executive to a New York Times bestselling novelist was as equally inspiring as his books. After I got hooked to Harris’s books, I went to all of his book signings EVERY time he came through Baltimore, and it was always amazing to see how many devoted fans loved him as much as I did.

Through his work, I met my delightful sisters from the Sistahs That Are Reading Something (S.T.A.R.S.) book club in 1999 (that us to the left with E. Lynn at the Baltimore Book Lover's Breakfast in 2000); I earned my first official by-line in the Baltimore AFRO American Newspaper after I covered his great book signing at Morgan State University in Summer 2001; and I created a beautiful bond with my nephew, Clifton, after we discovered our mutual love for Harris’s books. I distinctly remember choosing to read his book, If This World Were Mine (my favorite!), during a late night in college instead of studying for an exam that I had the next day. Yes, I was truly an E. Lynn Harris groupie.

While his body is gone from this earth, his words will certainly live on. I remember re-reading his second novel, Just As I Am, last summer for the zillionth time as I was going through a difficult patch with myself self-identity. I nearly peed my pants when I found the answer to my prayers at the end of this novel. He wrote, “God only gets mad when we come down here and pretend to be something we’re not. That really pisses Him off.” What a beautiful reminder!

Thank you, Brother E. Lynn, for graciously sharing your heart and your words with us. Thank you for always reminding us to love and respect one another, regardless of our race, creed, profession, or sexual preference. Thank you for taking a bold stand to write about homosexuality and the challenges of self-identity when so many in the African American community were afraid to talk about and deal with this issue. I personally thank you for making me laugh, cry, keeping me up late at night to finish your books, and helping me to value my worth as a child of God. You are gone but most certainly will not be forgotten.
Rest in peace, E. Lynn.

E. Lynn Harris’s Bibliography

Invisible Life
Just As I Am
And This Soon Shall Pass
If This World Were Mine
Abide With Me
Not a Day Goes By
Any Way the Wind Blows
A Love of My Own
What Becomes of the Brokenhearted (memoir)
I Say a Little Prayer
Too Good To Be True
Basketball Jones
Mama Dearest (to be published September 22, 2009)

Sign Up for The Team of WE Today!

Growing up as a nerdy bookworm, I was allergic to organized sports and most physical activities. I didn’t like anything thrown at me, I wasn’t very fond of running, and certainly did not like to get dirty for no reason. I feel no shame about convincing my sister-mommy Diane to write several notes to my gym teachers over the years about my “conditions.” (Diane, the note you penned in 10th grade about my “severe reaction” to chlorinated pool water was BRILLANT. You helped me skip three weeks of swimming classes. LOL!). While I have been pretty successful at avoiding organized sports most of my life, I recently discovered the joy of getting on the court and joining the team of WE.

About a week ago, I took a mind-blowing empowerment class that helped me to really recognize that my life is truly not about me; I discovered that my life means NOTHING unless I am dedicated to taking a selfless stand for EVERY person in the world EVERY day. Tall order, eh? Little did I know that I and four other members in my class would get a crash course on what it means to stand for another person at the end of our Sunday night session. Let me set the scene.

It was just after midnight on the third day of our course. My classmates and I had just completed three days of intense, life-changing, 14-hour conversations. We were tired, hungry, and emotionally spent. Five of my comrades and I were gratefully walking out of the building on the way home. Then, one of our classmates approached us and told us that she would not be returning to complete the last part of our course on Tuesday. I’ve never seen five people get so enraged so quickly. We immediately rallied around her and used every strategy we could think of to get her to stay. There was yelling, laughter, frustration, some crying, some Salsa dancing, a breakout of Doritos and pretzel sticks, and a desperate call to a husband that a wife would be home eventually. Before we knew it, it was 2:45 a.m. (!!!!). We didn’t know if our classmate would show up on Tuesday, but we all knew that we learned a powerful lesson about standing and supporting another person. It was in that moment that I got off of the Team of ME and got on the Team of WE.

Folks, we don’t live on this planet by ourselves. We NEED each other to survive. If I accumulate massive wealth, it doesn’t mean anything if there are still homeless people in my neighborhood struggling to survive. I can’t boast about how wonderful my life is if my sister or brother is hurt or in pain. Life is about being an active member of the Team of WE. I realized during my stand for my classmate, whom I had just met three days prior, that I needed to take a stronger stand for my family, friends, and coworkers, many of whom I have known for most of my life. I am now FIERCLY dedicated to playing on the Team of WE. I look forward to getting dirty, grimy, and sweaty in order to stand for someone’s life. The Team of ME is exhausting and limiting; the Team of WE is invigorating and inspiring. Some members on the team of WE are tougher to fight for than others, but the game is SO worth it.

When I got to work on Monday, I was BEYOND tired. But, when one of my friends called me at 3:00 p.m. and told me that my classmate would be showing up on Tuesday, and then, when I actually saw her the following day, my heart was OVERFLOWING with love and energy that I can’t describe. I couldn’t stop hugging her and thanking God that my small role on the Team of WE helped another person reach her goal.

Are you signed up for the Team of WE? If not, make sure you show up on the field today!

(A HUGE shout out to the members of the super, duper, deluxe, late-night edition of the Advanced Course. I LOVE you guys SO much! And I love the rest of you guys who got proper rest that night, too. LOL!)

Switching Gears on My Blog

When I started my blog in June, I initially wanted it to be a continuation of the plus-size fashion Web site that I started when I was in graduate school, and I wanted to add some inspirational thoughts to boost the spirit. While I still love exploring and discussing new plus-size fashions, I discovered that what I really like (and what wakes me up at 5:30 in the morning!) is talking about life and what it means to be part of the human experience right now. Being truly alive to my life and enjoying the company of my friends and family is the greatest natural high ever. I just LOVE being able to truly think about life’s lessons and share them with you through my blog. Additionally, I have also discovered that most of my readers are NOT plus-size women. LOL! I was quite shocked that folks like my brother Thomas’s good friend Donald and my good friend Laura’s father were also reading my blog (Love you, Gary!).

With all of these thoughts in mind, I have decided to switch gears on my blog. I am now committed to focusing more on writings that explore the fine art of day-to-day living and what we all can do to live it more fully. You can still find me at the same address (http://curvyandfabblog.blogspot.com/), and my blog will now be called:

The Lifestyles of a Curvy and Fabulous Diva:

One Woman’s Mission to Cover the World with

Love, Laughter, and Life…Out Loud!

I will still talk about plus-size fashion from time to time. I have an appointment at an upscale bra shop at the end of the month that I can’t WAIT to blog about! (Fellas, you can skip that one. LOL!). However, I am dedicated to exploring many more topics through my blog as the Spirit gives me inspiration.

What is really rocking my socks right now is learning that life is a universal experience. Whether we are plus-size, skinny, black, or white (and everything else in between!), we are all going to experience love and heartache, triumph and setbacks, life and death. So, I figured my little blog could be just one place where all are open to share, learn, and celebrate this beautiful gift that we call life.

And, I CANNOT say it enough: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for reading my words. It really humbles me to know that the words that God gives me helps you (and me!) to make it just one mo’ day.

Love you, all!!!!!!!!

Check out today's blog called "Sign Up for The Team of WE."

Let's Get Crazy!

One of my favorite people in the world right now is President Barack Obama. Like many Obama fans, I was captivated by his eloquent speeches, his inspirational writings, and his unwavering stand for what this country can be. But what really got me is the fact that he’s just a little bit crazy. Not crazy as in he belongs in an insane asylum, but crazy enough to believe that he could become the first Black president of a country that has not been particularly kind to his people. He was out of his mind to stand in the face of incredible obstacles during his campaign and still be victorious. Even more looney, he saw the large looming task of tackling the toughest economy we’ve had in more than a generation and he stood firm in his commitment for this county. Now if that isn’t crazy, I don’t know what is.

I started thing about crazy people while I was in the supermarket yesterday. I was singing the chorus from Alanis Morrisette’s song “Crazy,” which says, “No we’re never gonna survive/Unless we get a little crazy.” As I strolled around Giant’s singing that song and subsequently freaking out my fellow shoppers, it dawned on me that my life would not change until I got really crazy about my hopes and dreams. I have lot of dreams that I am shooting for, but I realized that they weren’t crazy enough. Initially, I made a goal last week that I would walk 100 miles by December 31st. Now, I pushed that goal up to October 12th. I’ve always wanted to be a published author. Now, I’m crazy enough to believe that my books will rocket to the top of the New York Times bestseller list. Crazy? Hell yes. Impossible? Never!

This world isn’t changed by people who are sane; it’s transformed by people who are INSANE. Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Che Guevara were all lunatics. These men stood for the possibility of freedom for their people in the face of death, oppressive governments, and resistance from the very people they were trying to help. Mother Teresa, Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman were raving mad women. Harriet alone had to be just west of crazy to fearlessly help 300 slaves escape to freedom. I’ve mentioned some pretty extraordinary people here, but the only thing that stands between us and them is our ability to get crazy about our hopes and dreams. I challenge you to start dreaming OUTRAGEOUS dreams. I dare you to reach outside of your comfort zone and start shaking things up. I’m pushing you to turn your world upside down. If people start looking at you strangely or asking about your mental health, you’re probably on the right track. Just be cautious about singing about your craziness out loud in grocery stores.

Wishing you a day of absolute CRAZINESS!!!