Let’s Get This Party Started Right!

Real joy and sustained peace come from within, nourished by a healthy engagement for one’s life and comfort with oneself. If you don’t enjoy your own company, no one else will either. Fun-loving people attract others because they start the party before any guests arrive. -Bishop T.D. Jakes

In this past year, I have really learned how to enjoy my singleness. Two weekends ago, I had the joy of meeting new folks; savoring the taste of melted cheese, melted chocolate, and two rounds of “joy” punch at the Melting Pot; celebrating my oldest sister’s 50th birthday; reviving my spirit at church; and enjoying a blissful night of music with the Mighty Mos Def. With all that excitement, it’s no wonder why I was conked out on Monday morning. But, I didn’t always see things that way…

Before I became enlightened about the joy of singleness, I lived with this thought that my life would magically become better once I found my special guy. I’d have fantastic nights out with my girlfriends, eating, drinking, dancing, watching movies, and indulging in good conversation. But, I would always feel empty and worthless because I was angry that my electric personality didn’t translate as well to the men I was trying SO desperately to attract. I was BEYOND frustrated. Then, about a year ago, I was watching an old episode of “Oprah” that featured some of the speakers from “The Secret,” including motivational speaker Lisa Nichols. I was captivated by her brutal honesty about how she only attracted men who were “dogs” into her life because her self-esteem was so low. She realized that she wasn’t praying to God for a quality man and that she was wearing a perfume of “desperation.” Wow! You could have knocked me over with a feather after watching that segment.

I haven’t been blessed with wild, adventurous tales of dating men from the dark side (Thank you, Jesus!), but I certainly viewed my singlehood as a curse and was relentless about pushing every guy that I met into the marriage express lane. By being so focused on hooking a guy, I inadvertently turned off the lovable, fun-loving Leah and turned on the desperate-I’ll-just-take-any-man Leah. After taking an honest look about how I was approaching my dating life, I realized that my plan of attack was certainly not attractive to me and it was probably pretty repulsive to the guys I tried to date. So, I decided to try a new approach — just be authentically me. I discovered that when I am really loving my life and being true to myself, men are attracted to my ongoing life party and are interesting in getting to know the real me. I have literally been shocked these past few months by how men now approach me when I LEAST expect it. Now, I would really appreciate if men would stop coming up to me when I am hot and sweaty after a long walk, but I can’t be choosy, right? LOL!

I just LOVED this quote from the T.D. Jakes article because it reminded me that people are attracted to you when you are creating and living a life that you fully enjoy. We only LIMIT ourselves when we think that our lives will get better once we get married and have children. (I beg you to talk to your married friends, I’m sure that will have a MUCH different story for you!) So, I challenge each of you (as I remind myself!), enjoy your singlehood NOW! Let your party be in full swing every day. When you are truly loving yourself, other people will be banging down your doors to join in on your fun.

Reference

Jakes, T.D. (2009, August). Single and satisfied. Essence, 39(8), 156.