I was listening to one of my favorite groups, The Roots, a few weeks ago and I was struck by a particularly profound lyric from their song “Clock with No Hands.” In this song rapper Black Thought says,
I was married to a state of mind and then I divorced it.
Wow! How many of us are married to thoughts and ideas that are weighing us down and keeping us from feeling beautiful? I entered into a very toxic marriage of the mind during my teenage years growing up in Baltimore. In the early to mid 90s, seemingly every guy was looking for girls who were light-skinned, thin, and had long hair. There wasn’t but so much I could do to change my medium-brown skin, my predestined genes for being a plus-size woman, and my coarse, curly hair that resisted every super, duper, bone-straight perm known to man. Building a strong and healthy body image and learning to love me felt down right impossible.
As I grew and matured, I realized that the true value of my beauty had to begin with my beliefs about myself. I had to stop hating the beautiful body that God gave me and begin celebrating all the wonderful things that I’ve been blessed to do with this vessel for the past 30 years. What I have learned (and still am learning!), is that when I TRULY focus my thoughts on loving me, regardless of what the scale says or what pants I can fit into for the day, I become a magnet for good people who support me and help me create a love-filled life that works for me.
Like me, I’m sure that many of you have had to leap over mountains to build and maintain a healthy sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. Some days it is really challenging to feel good about being a curvy and fabulous diva when you are faced with the reality of a limited selection of plus-size clothing in most retail stores, a fashion industry focused on ridiculously thin women, and the general prejudice that is perpetuated in this country against overweight people.
But today, let’s get a divorce from our own negative beliefs and self-talk. Let’s get a divorce from negative people and their negative ideas about what is or is not beautiful. Let’s get a divorce from the fashion industry’s standards and ideas about who deserves to wear and flaunt beautiful clothes. Let’s not spend one more moment married to thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that don’t help us to create and celebrate the beautiful bodies God gave each and every one of us.
We’ve all heard unhappily married folks joke and say “It’s cheaper to keep her.” When it comes to our bodies, it might be cheaper to hold to your old familiar beliefs, but it’s far too costly to miss out on what your life could be by not accepting and loving all of who you are right now.
Wishing you a happy marriage to the new and ever improving you!
Up Next: Taking Dresses to the Max
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