The Wonder of Fall

I just LOVE this stretch of the year between late September and Christmas. The weather is just right, the apples are fresh and crisp, the leaves are brilliant shades of red, orange, yellow, and gold, and all feels right with the world. I love covering my neck with beautiful scarves, eating pumpkin bread, drinking apple cider, wearing my favorite boots, and using the word "autumnal" a lot.

I like setting aside some time in early fall to see what I've done in the past nine months and to re-evaluate where I want to be by the end of the year. So far in 2009, I'm proud that I my blog is up and running (Yay Me!); I restored some great relationships with friends and family; and I'm glad that I am taking the time to lay a good spiritual and emotional foundation for my 30s.

I'm looking forward to meeting my goal of walking 100 miles by the end of the year (only 75 miles to go!), meeting the newest member of the Lakins clan (hang in there, Kisha!), and ending this year stronger, wiser, and better than I was before.

I hope that all of you will take a little time to look at where you are now and where you want to be. I find that taking a moment to reflect on my journey helps me to be a little less hard on myself and grateful for every little blessing that I am honored to receive. Hope your fall season is off to a good start!

It’s Not What They Call You….It’s What You Answer To

I was dying the other day after reading Jozen Cummings’s blog post on Essence.com titled “The Truth About Jump Offs.” While I was equally amused and outraged by his four points on optimizing a relationship with a woman strictly for “recreational purposes,” I was more entertained by the 100+ comments from irate readers who called this dude everything but a child of God. Many of the women expressed their outrage and felt degraded for being referred to as just that “side chick.” As I read comment after comment, each one angrier than the last, I remembered a classic piece of advice that I learned in grade school – “It’s not what they call you…it’s what you answer to.”

While I take pride in being a modern, 21st century woman, I’m very old fashioned when it comes to dating and relationships. The only names I will respond to in relation to a significant other are “girlfriend,” “fiancé,” or “wife.” Any man who even THINKS about referring to me or treating me as a “jump off,” “boo,” “wifey,” or “shawty,” should definitely think again. And, “baby mama?” Ain’t no way in hell I will be giving birth to anyone’s child without a marriage license and a rock solid commitment to God and me. But, these are just my standards, and I hold no judgments against anyone who chooses otherwise. Every person has their emotional and spiritual capabilities, and I know for me that accepting anything other than absolute and total respect from a man will have me in jail or a in an insane asylum.

At the end of the day, each woman has to decide what she will or will not accept from a man. If a man refers to you or treats you like a “jump off” or a “side piece,” it’s up to you to decide if you will answer that call. Don’t get mad if someone calls you outside of your name if you are allowing the actions or behaviors to occur. As women, I believe that each one of us has the responsibilities to set, and here’s the key, STICK TO our own standards. No man will have the power to disrespect you unless you allow him to.

Remember, it’s not what he calls you…it’s what you answer to.

P.S., If you need a good afternoon pick-me-up, Jozen’s blog “Until I Get Married” is HILARIOUS. Warning: It is equally offensive and entertaining. For me, he includes great information about what women should NOT do in relationships.

The Grown-Up Optimist

Anyone who knows me pretty well can testify to my natural inclination to see the good in everyone, find the bright spot in a tough situation, and smile in the face of some pretty dire circumstances. Lately, it seems as though all my optimistic powers are falling flat. My favorite Bible verses, inspirational quotes, and songs are still ringing in my head, but they don’t seem to be charging me up and fueling me the way that they used to. I’ve spent the past few weeks in deep introspection (or as I like to call it “being alone in my head without adult supervision”) and I still couldn’t quite put my finger on what’s been nagging me. After spinning my head through my emotional blender for the umpteenth time, I began to recognize that I have allowed my emotions to run the show. I was desperately looking for anything that would give me my next hit of happiness and joy. As I took a step back from my feelings, I started to see that my optimism needed to grow up.

Although my chronological age is 30, some days I act like a 5-year-old little girl. I am happy when things were going well, but I stomp, kick, and scream when things and especially people don’t go my way. I started to see that, like most little kids, I was a slave to my feelings. My optimism was totally dependent on if I really felt like things would go my way, on my time schedule. As an adult, I know that life doesn’t work like that, but the little kid inside of me was screaming, “WHY NOT?” When I sat 5-year-old Leah on a timeout, I started to understand that my feelings are a very fickle thing to put my faith in. Shoot, if I only did things when I felt like doing them, I’d never do icky grown-up stuff like going to the dentist, visiting the OB/GYN, or trying something new. I began to see that grown-up optimism isn’t based on what I feel but what I KNOW.

I know beyond a doubt that God loves me; I know that He always provides a way for me; and I know that He has always sent incredible people to support and anchor me throughout my life. With all of this wonderful knowledge and a lifelong track record of seeing God’s incredible blessings upon my life, I recognize that my feelings are irrelevant. I have to remember and KNOW that ALL things are working together for my good. So, the question is, Will I continue to put my faith and hope in Him even if I can’t feel it? I sincerely believe that as I begin to say “Yes” more and more to that question, my optimism will grow up and my childish ways of thinking will begin to fade.

So, I know that in this season of uncertainty, my optimism isn’t always going to feel like rainbows and sunshine. I have to know that truly God is working everything out for my good. I’m learning that grown-up optimists don’t always feel good but they have faith and know that the good seeds that they have planted will reap a harvest in just the right way at just the right time.

This Glass of Haterade is for You!

I've never been very fond of the whole "hater/hateration/haterade" lingo that has come about over the past few years. My occupation as an editor and my adopted bougieness as an adult have prevented me from fully adopting these terms into my vocabulary. But lately "haterade" is the only suitable term that I can use to describe a string of folks who are just determined to rain on my parade. So, without further ado, I'm going to let LaQuisha (my beloved alter ego) take over the rest of this blog post.

So, listen up and listen closely. I am no longer going to tolerate ANY foolishness from the following folks:

• Chronic complainers,
• Dream killers,
• Sarcastic jerks, and
• Just plain old ignorant folks

If you don't have anything nice to say to me, keep it moving. If you don't have any dreams of your own but are determined to step all over mine, you can exit stage left. If you are comfortable being stagnate and resigned about your current life situation, my ears are no longer a listening station for your concerns. My life is too valuable to be weighed down by you and your stanky attitude. If you don't like it, too bad. Take your cloud of doom and gloom to somebody who cares, which by the way does not include me.

So, today, I am serving tall glasses of haterade to all you haters. Don't worry if you finish it all in one sitting because once God gets through with me, you'll be drinking my haterade by the gallon. I used to get really pissed when you haters showed up, but now I know that you are critical and even necessary for my success. I believe that David said in Psalms 23 that you would become my footstool. Actually, I need to say "Thank you" for bringing me down to my knees so that God can lift me up even higher.

So, you have been warned. If Leah suddenly disappears and I show up, you know that you have activated the Haterade Emergency System. Any words that come out of Leah's mouth will be designed to put you back in your place and show you where to go, how to go, and just how fast you need to get there. While I recognize your purpose in her life now, just know her days of cowering and trembling about your petty little comments are over. There will be no more tears shed over your failure to recognize how awesome Leah is. As she prepares to take over the world with her master plan, just know that the Haterade will be available in larger sizes and in better flavors such as jealousy, envy, and "Oh, no she didn't."

Thank you, haters!

Sincerely,

LaQuisha

P.S., Folks, I am really sorry about today's post. LaQuisha got all fired up and she forced me to let her taking over the writing this morning. I think she's OK now. I'll give you fair warning if she decides to return. But, PLEASE, PLEASE, I beg of you, do NOT activate the Haterade Emergency System. It is NOT pretty!

Hugs!

Leah :-)