The Lifestyles of a Curvy and Fabulous Diva

NOW…Another Chapter

2009-12-22T13:05:00.006-05:00

There was hardly a day that went by in my home without my siblings and I hearing my father, the late, great Howard Lakins, Sr., say “NOW….another chapter.” When I was younger, I thought that he just said this phrase a lot so that he could test the volume on his hearing aids. Now, as an adult I realize that he repeated this mantra often to remind himself and those around him to let go of the past and keep moving forward.

As a chronic overthinker and a recovering perfectionist, Lord knows I get caught up on some chapters in my life that God has closed the book on a LONG time ago. I tend to get especially nitpicky about past chapters of my life at the end of the year. I start thinking about all the things I haven’t accomplished, all the chances I should have taken, and all the things I should have said. I get so mired in critiquing and re-editing the previous year’s chapters that I forget that there are new chapters and new books that are yet to be written. Before I know it, my mind is swimming in doubt, regret, and fear. But, just before I completely lose myself in the process over critiquing myself, God reminds me to take a deep breath, and in that moment I can hear my Daddy saying, “NOW…another chapter.”

Friends, we can choose to flip to the next chapter of our lives at any moment. We don’t have to keep reliving a bad relationship, a boss from hell, or those days when life didn’t go our way. Yes, there are some things that we coulda, shoulda, and woulda done better, but it’s time for us to move on. What good is it for us to get stuck on Chapter 9 from 1972 when God is trying to move our lives into a brand new book or even a brand new library? How long will we keep a bookmark on that dark page that God’s grace and forgiveness has already covered? NOW is the time for another chapter.

One of my absolute favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 3: 13-14, which states,

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

I just LOVE this scripture because it reminds me to shut the book on yesterday’s chapter and keep pressing towards those greater goals and dreams that God has for me.

As we come to the end of another year, set aside some time during this holiday season to take a reflective and constructive look inside your book for 2009. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done, celebrate your victories, and think about alternatives for cussing out fewer people out in 2010 or whatever gnarly habits you need to break in the New Year. But, remember as you go through your book don’t get hung up on your chapters. This chapter called 2009 will be over before we know it. NOW is the only moment we have to do better, be better, and love better. NOW is the only chance we have to co-create our lives with our ULTIMATE creator. NOW is the only time that matters. NOW is the time…for another chapter!

May your holidays be filled with pages of love, laughter, friends, family, good food, good conversation, and more joy than your heart can contain.

Love, Actually

2009-12-09T03:14:00.005-05:00

I had the wonderful opportunity to spend this past Saturday afternoon with four of my favorite people in the world—my big sisters. We had a wonderful day of caring and sharing over brunch, despite the fact that a few of my breakfast potatoes were undercooked and I forgot to buy hot sauce (Sorry, Wanda!). The gem of the day for me was our RICH discussion about love and relationships.

I realized that I have been TERRIFIED about relationships because I have been viewing them through the lenses of way too many romantic comedies, my inability to let my guard down, and my fears about divorce and infidelity (Thanks, Tiger!). I’ve also recognized that I have been tightly attached to my own Cinderella fantasies about when, where, and how I will meet my Prince Charming. My current fantasy of choice is to meet a well-dressed, well-educated Black man at my local Barnes & Noble on a spring afternoon in the African American Studies aisle. We will instantly bond over our love of Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, and our disdain for people who don’t know how to use the English language properly. Pretty outrageous, eh? But I have shut down MANY a guy for not meeting up to these and other impossible ideals that I have held about love. I’m grateful to my sisters for helping me to open up my eyes to how I have been dealing with men.

I almost died when my sister Wanda said, “Leah, you can’t expect to look at a guy across the way at a restaurant and say ‘Oh, I just love the way that he cuts his steak’ and expect to fall instantly in love with him.” She totally blew my Barnes & Noble fantasy to pieces. I began to see during our discussion that great love takes time to develop and LOTS of work to sustain. It doesn’t just magically spawn and develop overnight. Love isn’t just flowers, cards, and candy; it’s also arguments, compromise, tears, and frustration. Love isn’t just what happens at the end of a Julia Roberts movie. Love is hanging in there during cancer, the loss of a child, unemployment, and disappointment. If a person is the ONE or the one for this season in your life, love isn’t really love until you experience ALL parts of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. This realization helped me see that it was time to get off the relationship bench of fear and get into the game of love.

And of course, no relationship discussion is complete without the topic du jour -- the ill-fated Tiger Woods. Being a relationship novice, I CANNOT wrap my head around why in the hell he decided to cheat on his wife with 10 different women.* However, my sister Diane made a good point when she explained that no one goes into a relationship or marriage thinking that he or she will cheat on their spouse or expecting other life-altering relationship challenges. It is up to each person to keep the relationship going strong, make each day fresh, and stay committed to the union when life shows up and turns your world upside down.

So, at almost 3:00 a.m. on a school night, I now see that love is actually more than my bookstore fantasy. Love is about letting go of my impossible yardstick for perfection and being willing to allow men to come into my life and be who they are, without me judging their ability to use the King’s English perfectly. Love is about being willing to let my heart get scratched and cracked (just a little bit!). Love isn’t just about looking for a core shaker; love is about discovering that great lover and friend who will be with you when life shakes you to the core.

*This number of women identified as former mistresses of Tiger Woods is based on Google News reports as of 2:35 a.m. This blogger is not responsible for any additional waitresses, hotel attendants, or pole dancers who come forth after this blog entry is published.

A "Precious" Conundrum

2009-11-16T17:56:00.003-05:00

Like many of you, I had been dying to see the new film “Precious” for weeks. After all of the glowing praise and promotional spots on TV and the web, I was eager to experience this movie for myself. I finally saw the film this past Saturday and I am STILL shaken by its emotional intensity. I will probably NEVER see this film again in my life (it was WAY too much for me!); however, I applaud director Lee Daniels’s courage to create such a gripping film that sheds a light on the realities of domestic abuse. As those graphic images from the film replayed in my head on Saturday night and disturbed my slumber, I woke up on Sunday morning grateful that I had seen the movie because it made me realize how blessed I am to have a family that truly loves and supports me. But, at the same time, it also left me with a million questions about how we can help the young girls and women who are living this nightmare every day.

For most of my childhood, I was raised by my sisters Diane and Donna. These women made some HUGE sacrifices for me to be the woman that I am today. Trust me, I was no walk in the park, especially during my moody teenage years. After seeing “Precious” it made me realize just how blessed I was to have them supporting me and my dreams. Because Diane and Donna always kept a roof over my head and food on our table, I had the luxury of stressing about mundane teenage woes such as trying to get a boyfriend, boosting my popularity, and earning passing grades in my dreaded math classes. I cannot even begin to fathom what it would have been like to spend my teenage years experiencing the kind of abuse that Precious endured.

While I this film helped me to put my own life in perspective, I now have a “Precious” conundrum. This movie made me wonder about and ache for the young girls and women for who “Precious” is not a film, but their reality. Most of us saw this film and were able to go back to our comfortable and safe lives. But what about the girls and women that are in real domestic danger? How do we help them? How do we prevent abuse like this from even beginning? Sometimes I hate watching films and documentaries like this because they leave me with more questions than answers. I have no doubt that this film will sweep up many accolades during award season (MoNique was absolutely INCREDIBLE in this movie. She truly scared the SH— out of me!). However, after the hype from this movie has died, how do we use this spotlight on domestic abuse for a greater purpose? How can we keep the “Precious” girls in our communities from becoming another statistic?

There’s No Job Too Small

2009-11-10T08:32:00.003-05:00

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Over the past three years, I have come to greatly appreciate the maintenance staff at my apartment complex. These men are the most dedicated professionals that I have ever seen.

Tonight, I came home to discover that my toilet, which has been running non-stop for the past two days, was still running after two previous maintenance calls. After dinner, I made yet another call to the after-hours maintenance answering service and within 20 minutes another maintenance guy came to look into my leaky toilet. He came right into my bathroom and without a second thought he took the top off of my toilet and immediately plunged his bare hands into my toilet to further investigate the problem. Being the uber girly girl that I am, I was grossed out by the sight of this guy sticking his hands in sewer water and fiddling with toilet parts. When I got over my gagging moment, I was humbled by the fact that this man honored his job enough to answer my after-hours page, stop whatever he was doing, and make his way to my apartment to solve my problem. I’m assuming that at 8:30 at night he was probably kicking back with his family or maybe about to crack open a cool can of beer before Monday Night Football. But, instead he was up to his elbows in my toilet water. Even though my toilet still isn’t working properly (Argh!), I profusely thanked him for coming to my apartment. There certainly isn’t much glamor and prestige in the maintenance field, but these seemingly small and thankless tasks that these men do make a huge difference in the comfort that I have in my home.

After the maintenance guy left, I began thinking about the opening quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. I realize that there is great honor in doing every job well and with excellence. Even in my day job as a book editor where cynicism flows more readily than praise, I have to remember that every little thing that I do for my authors is valuable, whether I receive a compliment or not. If I don’t show up and do my part, the world will not have the benefit of my meticulous editing skills, my special jokes, and my laugh that has been known to light up a room. Obviously, I’m being a little braggadocios here, but we all have to remember that who we and every little thing what we do MATTERS to somebody.

We all can’t be Oprah, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, or President Obama. Somebody has to deliver the mail, remove the trash, teach the kids, and maintain the roads. While these jobs aren’t particularly sexy or noteworthy, there is no job too small or inconsequential when it is done well and with honor.

While I pray that my professional path will not involve me getting elbow-deep in toilet water any time soon, I am so honored and inspired this man who attended to my toilet with such fervor and care that I am dedicating this day to working as hard and as passionately as he does.

Let every little thing that you do today light up the world around you!

The Joy of Being An Auntie

2009-11-06T08:00:00.011-05:00

As I was holding my newest nephew, Joshua, last week, I was reminded of one of the great gifts that I have had by being part of a large family – the joy of being an auntie.

I can still remember the first time I held my oldest nephew, Clifton (Tank), when I was just 7 years old. I timidly asked my sister Wanda to hold him and when she put him in my arms, I was so mesmerized by his tiny fingers and toes. At age 23, he can now hold me (LOL!) and I’m so proud of the incredible young man that he is becoming.

Being the cool auntie to my nieces and nephews is great because I get to be the fun adult that they can share with and relate to. It’s also wonderful for me because I can be a vicarious parent and send them back home to my siblings when they start to get on my nerves! I have so many amazing memories with all of them, some of my favorites include

Watching Tank and Chris during one summer and having to beat one of them with a plastic bat. I was unsuccessful because one of them (I think it was Chris) slid under their bed

Babysitting my oldest niece Karin for the first time and since she didn’t poop, I left an overflowing pee-pee filled diaper on her for SEVEN hours! Rinn, I’m sorry for that diaper rash!

Taking joy in the fact that one of Karin’s first words was “Eeah”

Babysitting my nephew Tyler and trying to figure out why he would not stop crying. I turned him over and discovered that he had poop going all the way up his back! After that, we were good. This little bugger is now 7 years old and takes great pride in kicking my butt in Dance Dance Revolution.

My ABSOLUTE favorite memory is Tank and Chris’s excitement when the ice cream truck would arrive in our neighborhood. They could not pronounce the syllable “tr” when they were toddlers and they would replace the “tr” with the “f” sound. So, every time they heard the chimes of the ice cream truck, one of them would say, “Mommy, Daddy, here comes the ice cream f---. Made me laugh EVERY time.

With nieces and nephews ranging from 23 to 3 weeks old, it’s just awesome to see how these little people in my life are blooming and to take pride in the fact that Aunt Leah’s love had a little something to do with how wonderful they are becoming.

I look at my littlest nephews Thomas Jr. and Joshua and I can’t wait to have as much fun with them as I did with Tank and Chris. Hopefully, I will get a little bit more respect from them than I did with Tank and Chris, but I can’t ask for too much, right?

Thank you Tank, Chris, Karin, Emmanuel, Kezia, Tyler, Thomas Jr., Taylor, and Joshua for filling my life with so much joy. Being your aunt is one of the best gifts that I could ever have. I am so proud of each and every one of you and I am just bursting with excitement to see how great all of you are going to be.

Forever Young

2009-11-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

My cruise getaway to Bermuda was just too fabulous to put into words. But the absolute highlight of my trip was the conversation that I had with Mr. Joe during the Midnight Buffet.

By the third day of my cruise, I was super relaxed and feeling fine. All of the trivial things that I was stressing and worrying about before my trip were floating far, far away on the Atlantic Ocean. That evening, the ship’s magnificent cooks and servers had laid out the most spectacular spread for the Midnight Buffet. I make no exaggeration when I tell you that the spread was at least four feet long. I was actually kinda ticked that I ate dinner on the late shift and was still full by the time the buffet began. I stuffed down what few morsels my overstuffed tummy could hold, ordered a slamming Pina Colada, and joined the rest of my ship mates in dancing to the Electric Slide, Booty Call, and the Cupid Shuffle. It had been far too long since I had had that much fun. I was in heaven.

An hour later and a half later, my belly and my feet told me that it was time to call it a night. As I got ready to return to my cabin, I ran into one of my dinner partners, Mr. Joe. Mr. Joe is a 68-year-old retired computer programmer from D.C. He had me howling at dinner with his beautiful spirit and his delightful tales. While I was preparing to go meet the Sandman, Mr. Joe told me that he and his crew were just revving up and were going to do a little bit more dancing at the ship’s disco room. As I began gathering my things, Mr. Joe invited me to join him dancing. I politely refused and told him that I was tired.

Mr. Joe got a real serious face and took me to the side and said, “Leah, baby, how old are you?”

I said, “I’m 30, sir.”

He looked at me disapprovingly and said, “Now, let me tell you this. You start doing old folks things, you gonna start being old. Now c’mon up here with me to this disco and enjoy yourself.”

Before I knew it, I had joined Mr. Joe at the disco and we had fun dancing to R. Kelly’s “Love Slide.” After that, I was really tired, and I bid good night to Mr. Joe and his comrades. I discovered the next day that he and his crew shut the disco down at 2:30!

Out of all the wonderful people I met on the ship, my conversation with Mr. Joe at the Midnight Buffet has stayed with me because I realize that I want to be as fun, lighthearted, and energetic as he is as I get older. To paraphrase the classic phrase, “Getting older is mandatory, growing older is optional.” I’m not looking forward to creaky knees, reading glasses, and Ben Gay. But, I am looking forward to being wiser and more thoughtful and living my life even more fully than I do now. I was inspired by folks like Mr. Joe who could still party till 2:30 in the morning. I don’t think that shutting down a dance floor will ever be my calling (LOL!), but I look forward to being one of those fantastic older divas who still has life and vitality and can rock a pair of fabulous heels well into my 60s and 70s.

Thank you, Mr. Joe, for inspiring me to be forever young.

The Art of Piddling

2009-10-11T00:12:00.017-04:00

Greeting from my favorite place on earth -- my couch. Yes, friends it is Vacation Day #3 and the living is easy. I had a whole list of things to get into today, but I decided that I just wanted to sit here and perfect the fine art of piddling. What is piddling? Taking time to do absolutely positively nothing and love every moment of it.

I used to feel SO guilty when my friends and family teased me about my marathon piddling sessions. It's nothing for me to watch TV for six or seven hours, soak in the tub for two hours, and sleep for at least 10 hours on a Saturday morning. As my life has become fuller and richer with new friends and awesome opportunities over the last few months, it's been a little harder to get in my piddling time. I also recognize that it's no small feat to get up every day and work, combat office politics, be present for friends and family, and manage to keep it all together. So, when I am blessed to have a stretch of a few hours to sit back and relax, I get my piddling on.

Pidding is refreshing, reviving, and necessary. I realize that I am speaking from the vantage point of being a single gal without the responsiblities of a relationship or children at this point in my life. But piddling time isn't just for single folks; it's even more crucial for those of you who are married with childen. Kick your hubby out of the house for an hour or two and make sure he takes the kids with him. Call up your single girlfriend and ask her to watch your kids for a few hours (Note: To my girlfriends with kids, not this week, tho. LOL!). We all MUST make sure we are taking the time to refresh our spirits by vegging out, having long phone calls with good friends, reading a good book in one sitting, or just sitting in our favorite chair and just being grateful for life.

Yes, you all can feel free to make fun of me on the 25th when my vacation is over. But for now, it's me, a bag of Pirate's Booty, a liter of Diet Dr. Pepper, and 20 hours of worth of my favorite shows on my DVR. Let the piddling commence!

P.S., Are you one of those folks who doesn't know what to do with your free time? Pick up The Art of Doing Nothing by Veronique Vienne. This is a great book full of great ideas for a day of piddling.

10 Years of of Happy Nappiness!

2009-10-07T08:00:00.002-04:00

This month, I am celebrating 10 glorious years of my happy, beautiful, nappy hair. It took me a LONG time to find peace with my hair and to find styles and products that make my hair look and feel marvelous. However, my natural hair journey did not begin so smoothly. It actually began with a few...OK who I am I kidding, a LOT of tears.

I had worn a perm for almost 14 years, beginning with my first perm at age 7. My sisters Karen and Wanda spent many a Saturday laying down my roots and curling and frying my hair to perfection. However, their hard labor was often in vain due to my super thick hair resisting all perms known to mankind. It was like my hair looked at me and said, "Oh, you wanna be straight? Sike!" Me and perms never got along. Between the scabbing, itching, and my hair's inability to have that elusive white-girl hair bounce, I was done.

During the summer of '99, I attended at natural hair care work shop at Sibanye Bookstore in Baltimore. This was right around the time when Erykah Badu was uber popular and she and a few other famous women were making it cool to go natural. I began my natural journey by embarking upon the slow process of wearing two-strand twists that merged my natural hair and my processed hair together. The eventual goal would be that the permed hair would be cut off every four to six weeks until it was completely grown out. Anybody who has gone through this process knows that it is HARD to manage two COMPLETELY different hair textures. I couldn't wait any longer so....I decided to cut all of my hair off.

The day I cut my hair off, I was SO nervous. My stomach was rolling with fear. When I got to the salon to do the official cutting, I just closed my eyes and waited for the hairstylist to finish. When she was done, she and the other stylists raved about how great I looked. When she handed me the mirror, I was just shocked. My hair had never been so short. I was speechless. I went home and I cried. Hard. (If you need a REALLY good laugh, just ask my brother Thomas to recall how I ran upstairs to my room that night and immediately covered my head). After the initial shock, I grew to love the low maintenance of my natural hair. I loved that my head did not have to sting from harsh chemicals and that I did not have to fear the rain ruining my hair. I learned how to care for my hair in a way that is fun, creative, and liberating for me.

Ten years later, I am still in love with my natural, beautiful, nappy hair. I look forward to spending my Sunday nights puting my hair in my signature two-strand twists or releasing my twists and wearing my favorite super curly Afro or twisting my hair in flat braids or just putting on a head wrap and calling it a day. I've received more compliments in the last 10 years than I had in the previous 14 years when I permed my hair. I believe that those compliments are a natural extension of the love that I have for my hair.

As women of color, I know that we fight tooth and nail about how to wear our hair and all the politics that come along with it. I fully recognize and acknowledge that I am blessed to have come of age in a time when it is more acceptable to wear natural hair. I believe that every woman has the right to do what is best for her. As I write this blog today, I am currently wearing my hair pressed out. It's beautiful and wonderful that as women of color we can have so much versatility with our hair. I occassionally make jokes with my girlfriends who have perms and tell them that they need to say away from "the white man's box of poison." But, it's all in fun. I say that we should all find what works for us, whether it is a perm, weave, dreadlocks, or an Afro, and rock those styles that make us feel and be beautiful.

I'm including a few of my photos from my natural hair journey (Good Lord, my hair has come a LONG way!). I also list a few of my current favorite products. Enjoy!

My Hair Journey

Left: Me (in the lime green sweater) with my TWA (Tiny Weeny Afro) - January 2000
Center: One of my first sets of two-strand twists during college - March 2001
Right: My Auburn Wanna Be Mary J. Blige Afro - November 2001 (Seriously, nobody loved me enough to tell me how wack that shirt was?)

Left: My signature two-strand twists - New Year's Eve 2007
Center: My favorite curly Afro - October 2007 ( I just love when I come into work the first day after I untwist my hair and, it NEVER fails that one of my white co-workers will say, "Your hair is so different today. What did you do to it?" Still makes me laugh EVERY time!)
Right: Flat twists with a Afro puff - April 2006 (I just love the classic "Home Alone" expression from my co-worker's kid. Had to leave her in the picture!)

My Current Favorite Products

Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner (I spray my hair with this right before I begin twisting my hair)
Carol's Daughter Mimosa Hair Honey (LOVE this stuff! Great for setting twists and giving incredible shine)
Nexxus Humectress Shampoo and Conditioner

I Fly Above!

2009-10-05T08:30:00.000-04:00

Every week, I swear that I will not watch another episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Then, about 30 minutes later, I give in and find myself hopelessly entertained by these insane women with WAY too much time on their hands. I've convinced myself that watching the show does make me feel better about my drama-free episodes of A Real Single Gal from Alexandria, VA. After watching catfight upon catfight, I was quite surprised to find a spiritual nugget in last week's episode.

I spent about a day and half last week trying to figure out how to form a better relationship with a team of my colleagues. I looked at this group from every possible angle. After giving myself a near aneyursm, I just gave up in a fit of frustation. Then, I went home and watched last week's episode of The Housewives and I was captivated by Kandi's new song "I Fly Above." I really loved the lyrics of the song which said

I'm so comfortable in the skin I'm in

I'm secure about who I am

So you can go ahead and talk all you wanna

I built up a shell and it's hard and it's armored

I fly above all the drama, I fly above, I fly above

It's beneath me, it's beneath me, it's beneath me

When I woke up the next day with that song still ringing in my spirit, I knew that it was the answer to my dilemna. That particular group of folks was not worth me getting down in the weeds and wasting my precious energy. Instead, I can choose to fly above that drama and give myself permission to just let people be who they are and not try to change them or change myself for them. How liberating!

Before you waste this beautiful, God-given day worrying about anything, pray about everything! Let God give you the wings to fly above whatever challenges you are facing today.

The Wonder of Fall

2009-09-30T04:54:00.005-04:00

I just LOVE this stretch of the year between late September and Christmas. The weather is just right, the apples are fresh and crisp, the leaves are brilliant shades of red, orange, yellow, and gold, and all feels right with the world. I love covering my neck with beautiful scarves, eating pumpkin bread, drinking apple cider, wearing my favorite boots, and using the word "autumnal" a lot.

I like setting aside some time in early fall to see what I've done in the past nine months and to re-evaluate where I want to be by the end of the year. So far in 2009, I'm proud that I my blog is up and running (Yay Me!); I restored some great relationships with friends and family; and I'm glad that I am taking the time to lay a good spiritual and emotional foundation for my 30s.

I'm looking forward to meeting my goal of walking 100 miles by the end of the year (only 75 miles to go!), meeting the newest member of the Lakins clan (hang in there, Kisha!), and ending this year stronger, wiser, and better than I was before.

I hope that all of you will take a little time to look at where you are now and where you want to be. I find that taking a moment to reflect on my journey helps me to be a little less hard on myself and grateful for every little blessing that I am honored to receive. Hope your fall season is off to a good start!

It’s Not What They Call You….It’s What You Answer To

2009-09-24T16:20:00.001-04:00

I was dying the other day after reading Jozen Cummings’s blog post on Essence.com titled “The Truth About Jump Offs.” While I was equally amused and outraged by his four points on optimizing a relationship with a woman strictly for “recreational purposes,” I was more entertained by the 100+ comments from irate readers who called this dude everything but a child of God. Many of the women expressed their outrage and felt degraded for being referred to as just that “side chick.” As I read comment after comment, each one angrier than the last, I remembered a classic piece of advice that I learned in grade school – “It’s not what they call you…it’s what you answer to.”

While I take pride in being a modern, 21st century woman, I’m very old fashioned when it comes to dating and relationships. The only names I will respond to in relation to a significant other are “girlfriend,” “fiancé,” or “wife.” Any man who even THINKS about referring to me or treating me as a “jump off,” “boo,” “wifey,” or “shawty,” should definitely think again. And, “baby mama?” Ain’t no way in hell I will be giving birth to anyone’s child without a marriage license and a rock solid commitment to God and me. But, these are just my standards, and I hold no judgments against anyone who chooses otherwise. Every person has their emotional and spiritual capabilities, and I know for me that accepting anything other than absolute and total respect from a man will have me in jail or a in an insane asylum.

At the end of the day, each woman has to decide what she will or will not accept from a man. If a man refers to you or treats you like a “jump off” or a “side piece,” it’s up to you to decide if you will answer that call. Don’t get mad if someone calls you outside of your name if you are allowing the actions or behaviors to occur. As women, I believe that each one of us has the responsibilities to set, and here’s the key, STICK TO our own standards. No man will have the power to disrespect you unless you allow him to.

Remember, it’s not what he calls you…it’s what you answer to.

P.S., If you need a good afternoon pick-me-up, Jozen’s blog “Until I Get Married” is HILARIOUS. Warning: It is equally offensive and entertaining. For me, he includes great information about what women should NOT do in relationships.

The Grown-Up Optimist

2009-09-21T08:02:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me pretty well can testify to my natural inclination to see the good in everyone, find the bright spot in a tough situation, and smile in the face of some pretty dire circumstances. Lately, it seems as though all my optimistic powers are falling flat. My favorite Bible verses, inspirational quotes, and songs are still ringing in my head, but they don’t seem to be charging me up and fueling me the way that they used to. I’ve spent the past few weeks in deep introspection (or as I like to call it “being alone in my head without adult supervision”) and I still couldn’t quite put my finger on what’s been nagging me. After spinning my head through my emotional blender for the umpteenth time, I began to recognize that I have allowed my emotions to run the show. I was desperately looking for anything that would give me my next hit of happiness and joy. As I took a step back from my feelings, I started to see that my optimism needed to grow up.

Although my chronological age is 30, some days I act like a 5-year-old little girl. I am happy when things were going well, but I stomp, kick, and scream when things and especially people don’t go my way. I started to see that, like most little kids, I was a slave to my feelings. My optimism was totally dependent on if I really felt like things would go my way, on my time schedule. As an adult, I know that life doesn’t work like that, but the little kid inside of me was screaming, “WHY NOT?” When I sat 5-year-old Leah on a timeout, I started to understand that my feelings are a very fickle thing to put my faith in. Shoot, if I only did things when I felt like doing them, I’d never do icky grown-up stuff like going to the dentist, visiting the OB/GYN, or trying something new. I began to see that grown-up optimism isn’t based on what I feel but what I KNOW.

I know beyond a doubt that God loves me; I know that He always provides a way for me; and I know that He has always sent incredible people to support and anchor me throughout my life. With all of this wonderful knowledge and a lifelong track record of seeing God’s incredible blessings upon my life, I recognize that my feelings are irrelevant. I have to remember and KNOW that ALL things are working together for my good. So, the question is, Will I continue to put my faith and hope in Him even if I can’t feel it? I sincerely believe that as I begin to say “Yes” more and more to that question, my optimism will grow up and my childish ways of thinking will begin to fade.

So, I know that in this season of uncertainty, my optimism isn’t always going to feel like rainbows and sunshine. I have to know that truly God is working everything out for my good. I’m learning that grown-up optimists don’t always feel good but they have faith and know that the good seeds that they have planted will reap a harvest in just the right way at just the right time.

This Glass of Haterade is for You!

2009-09-09T06:54:00.009-04:00

I've never been very fond of the whole "hater/hateration/haterade" lingo that has come about over the past few years. My occupation as an editor and my adopted bougieness as an adult have prevented me from fully adopting these terms into my vocabulary. But lately "haterade" is the only suitable term that I can use to describe a string of folks who are just determined to rain on my parade. So, without further ado, I'm going to let LaQuisha (my beloved alter ego) take over the rest of this blog post.

So, listen up and listen closely. I am no longer going to tolerate ANY foolishness from the following folks:

Chronic complainers,
Dream killers,
Sarcastic jerks, and
Just plain old ignorant folks

If you don't have anything nice to say to me, keep it moving. If you don't have any dreams of your own but are determined to step all over mine, you can exit stage left. If you are comfortable being stagnate and resigned about your current life situation, my ears are no longer a listening station for your concerns. My life is too valuable to be weighed down by you and your stanky attitude. If you don't like it, too bad. Take your cloud of doom and gloom to somebody who cares, which by the way does not include me.

So, today, I am serving tall glasses of haterade to all you haters. Don't worry if you finish it all in one sitting because once God gets through with me, you'll be drinking my haterade by the gallon. I used to get really pissed when you haters showed up, but now I know that you are critical and even necessary for my success. I believe that David said in Psalms 23 that you would become my footstool. Actually, I need to say "Thank you" for bringing me down to my knees so that God can lift me up even higher.

So, you have been warned. If Leah suddenly disappears and I show up, you know that you have activated the Haterade Emergency System. Any words that come out of Leah's mouth will be designed to put you back in your place and show you where to go, how to go, and just how fast you need to get there. While I recognize your purpose in her life now, just know her days of cowering and trembling about your petty little comments are over. There will be no more tears shed over your failure to recognize how awesome Leah is. As she prepares to take over the world with her master plan, just know that the Haterade will be available in larger sizes and in better flavors such as jealousy, envy, and "Oh, no she didn't."

Thank you, haters!

Sincerely,

LaQuisha

P.S., Folks, I am really sorry about today's post. LaQuisha got all fired up and she forced me to let her taking over the writing this morning. I think she's OK now. I'll give you fair warning if she decides to return. But, PLEASE, PLEASE, I beg of you, do NOT activate the Haterade Emergency System. It is NOT pretty!

Hugs!

Leah :-)

The Best Dreams Don't Come from a Microwave

2009-08-25T22:14:00.004-04:00

Over the course of my life, I have seen things in this world get fast, fast, and even faster right before my eyes. In a little over 30 years, I have owned a turntable, walkman, discman, and now an iPod. I’ve gone from typing out assignments on a word processer to writing my weekly blog posts on a laptop. I can remember watching my brothers, Thomas and Raymond, staying up late at night to play games on Atari in the early 80s and now I watch my 6-year-old nephew Tyler kick my butt on any game on Nintendo Wii. I’ve gone from growing up in a house where my mother or father made a home cooked meal every day to nuking a prepackaged meal in the microwave or running to my favorite fast food joint for dinner. While there are definitely advantages to having these modern-day conveniences at our fingertips, the trouble comes when we think that God should move at the speed of a bag of microwave popcorn, too. Much to our displeasure at times, God still likes to do things the old-fashioned way.

I was talking with one of my seminar leaders earlier this week about my frustration about finding my next career move. I told him that I have been looking, applying, interviewing, and networking for new opportunities for well over a year. I explained that I was being very prayerful, positive, and hopeful. I told him all about the billions of affirmations that I have posted all over my bathroom mirror. With a dramatic sigh of exasperation, I said, “What the heck am I doing wrong?” He looked at me and said, “Leah, it doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong. These things don’t just happen over night. Great things take time to show up.” He gently reminded me of awesome men like Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King, Jr. who held on to dreams for MANY years before the reality of what they stood for showed up.

As I thought about those great men for a moment, I realized that while this past year has felt like FOREVER to me, it really is no time at all. Imagine if Nelson Mandela would have given up after one year in prison or if Martin Luther King, Jr. would have stopped standing for civil rights after his first march. South Africa would still be under the rule of apartheid and people of color in the United States would still be oppressed. We couldn’t have even dreamed about having Barack Obama as our first African American president without the determination and perseverance of Dr. King and many other civil right leaders like him. While I know that my life’s purpose is different from Mandela’s and King’s visions, I recognize that I have to take my dreams out of the microwave and put them in God’s oven.

I’m realizing that great dreams are like a good meal. It takes more than a three-minute spin around the microwave to get what God really has in store for us. A good meal needs careful planning and patience. We have to pick the best and freshest ingredients; roll and mix things together with just the right spices; bake our dishes at the right temperature and for the right amount of time; and be patient and allow our the ingredients to marinate and steep to perfection. While modern-day technology can simulate home cooking from the microwave, we can all immediately taste the difference between a real home cooked meal and a something that comes out of a box.

Ok, now that I made you hungry, what am I getting at? For me, I know that I have to be more patient with God and with myself. There are some things that I have been praying about for years that I feel that God has pushed way to the back of the oven. While I allow some things to frustrate me, I know in the end that God’s timing is so much better than I could ever imagine. If I got everything when I wanted, just how I wanted it, without ever having to struggle for anything, what kind of faith would I have? How would I know to keep believing in God and not just give up when my hope begins to fade? I have to believe that God knows how to put together the ingredients of my life in just the right way, at just the right time. I trust that God knows when He needs to turn the heat up and when I need to be basted. I have to have faith that He knows when I need to be slow roasted or broiled. And even though I wish God’s oven timer would go off NOW (!!!), I believe that with all my heart that the meal that he has planned for me is going to blow my socks off.

I pray that my food-inspired posting on faith will help you to hold on to whatever you are dreaming for just a little while longer. Whether your blessings take 1, 2, or 25 years to become a reality, know that God’s timing is the BEST timing of all. Instead of impatiently pacing in front of the microwave of life, let’s put our dreams in God’s oven and make sure that our heart, minds, and souls are prepared for all the things that we are praying for. Ok, I’m going to go eat dinner now. Be blessed!

(P.S., Um, God, since I have been praying for the love of my life since I was 13, I’m really expecting for him to be like a like the best Thanksgiving meal ever. I’m just saying…)

Learning to Take a Compliment

2009-08-24T08:00:00.004-04:00

I was watching the new season of "Project Runway" with my friend Laura on Thursday night, and I had a light bulb moment as we watched the show. One of the designers, Chris March, created a beautiful clothing collection during the competition and he was absolutely shocked when he made it to one of the top four slots. He began groveling and questioning his right to be a part of the competition. He even began to cry a little bit. Then, Laura, in her trademark frustration, looks at the screen and says, "That makes me so mad. He's just like you. He doesn't recognize how great he is." Laura has said things like that to me a MILLION times, but it finally hit home when she said it to me that night.

I'm a person who LOVES to lavish praise and compiments on others, but I've always had the HARDEST time accepting a compliment because I sometimes feel like people are lying or just trying to make me feel good. My low thoughts and beliefs rise up and tell me that I can't possibly be this wonderful person that these people are claiming for me to be. But, I know that God brings people in my life to hold up a mirror and show me who I am now and who I can be. Like Chris, most of the time I find a way to shy away or devalue my worth when others compliment me, but slowly but surely I am learning to say "Thank you." I'm learning that it's easier to accept a compliment from a true friend than to find reasons to invalidate the gifts and joy that they can see but I'm too stubborn to value for myself.

When we shut down a compliment, basically we are telling the other person that he or she is a liar. We are telling them that we really don't hold any value in their lives. When I began looking at my reluctance to receive compliments from that perspective, it made me feel horrible for not accepting the God-given gifts that HE allows to share every day. For me, I know that as I continue to accept my role as a beaming, hilarious, positive, and motivating lady, my friends are more willing to open up and be the best that they are, too. Compliments are a great affirmation that who we are makes a difference in the world around us. And, if you have really good friends like I do, their compliments are truly some of the best gift to receive -- they're even better when we actually accept them.

If you are blessed to receive a compliment today, just say "Thank you." Accept it as your payment for doing your small part to shine your light today.

P.S., See, Laura, I DO listen to you!!!

Let’s Get This Party Started Right!

2009-08-21T08:15:00.000-04:00

Real joy and sustained peace come from within, nourished by a healthy engagement for one’s life and comfort with oneself. If you don’t enjoy your own company, no one else will either. Fun-loving people attract others because they start the party before any guests arrive. -Bishop T.D. Jakes

In this past year, I have really learned how to enjoy my singleness. Two weekends ago, I had the joy of meeting new folks; savoring the taste of melted cheese, melted chocolate, and two rounds of “joy” punch at the Melting Pot; celebrating my oldest sister’s 50th birthday; reviving my spirit at church; and enjoying a blissful night of music with the Mighty Mos Def. With all that excitement, it’s no wonder why I was conked out on Monday morning. But, I didn’t always see things that way…

Before I became enlightened about the joy of singleness, I lived with this thought that my life would magically become better once I found my special guy. I’d have fantastic nights out with my girlfriends, eating, drinking, dancing, watching movies, and indulging in good conversation. But, I would always feel empty and worthless because I was angry that my electric personality didn’t translate as well to the men I was trying SO desperately to attract. I was BEYOND frustrated. Then, about a year ago, I was watching an old episode of “Oprah” that featured some of the speakers from “The Secret,” including motivational speaker Lisa Nichols. I was captivated by her brutal honesty about how she only attracted men who were “dogs” into her life because her self-esteem was so low. She realized that she wasn’t praying to God for a quality man and that she was wearing a perfume of “desperation.” Wow! You could have knocked me over with a feather after watching that segment.

I haven’t been blessed with wild, adventurous tales of dating men from the dark side (Thank you, Jesus!), but I certainly viewed my singlehood as a curse and was relentless about pushing every guy that I met into the marriage express lane. By being so focused on hooking a guy, I inadvertently turned off the lovable, fun-loving Leah and turned on the desperate-I’ll-just-take-any-man Leah. After taking an honest look about how I was approaching my dating life, I realized that my plan of attack was certainly not attractive to me and it was probably pretty repulsive to the guys I tried to date. So, I decided to try a new approach — just be authentically me. I discovered that when I am really loving my life and being true to myself, men are attracted to my ongoing life party and are interesting in getting to know the real me. I have literally been shocked these past few months by how men now approach me when I LEAST expect it. Now, I would really appreciate if men would stop coming up to me when I am hot and sweaty after a long walk, but I can’t be choosy, right? LOL!

I just LOVED this quote from the T.D. Jakes article because it reminded me that people are attracted to you when you are creating and living a life that you fully enjoy. We only LIMIT ourselves when we think that our lives will get better once we get married and have children. (I beg you to talk to your married friends, I’m sure that will have a MUCH different story for you!) So, I challenge each of you (as I remind myself!), enjoy your singlehood NOW! Let your party be in full swing every day. When you are truly loving yourself, other people will be banging down your doors to join in on your fun.

Reference

Jakes, T.D. (2009, August). Single and satisfied. Essence, 39(8), 156.

On the Way to Bible Class with E. Lynn Harris

2009-08-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

I was introduced to the wonderful world of E. Lynn Harris by my fellow Western High School alumna Mackenzie Lawson during 12th grade. She highly recommended his books, and since I had the most magnificent, slightly above minimum wage job at my local public library, I went in and checked out his first novel, Invisible Life, soon thereafter. I decided to start reading this book on a Friday evening while I was traveling to Bible Class on the bus. After I paid my fare, I sat down and was immediately engrossed in the first chapter. So, I was reading, reading, reading, still reading…and then I get to p. 17 -- Harris writes a very poignant description of the main character’s first homosexual encounter with a man. Dear God!! MY EYES! MY EYES! This was way TOO much for my naïve, Apostolic-raised, 17-year-old eyes. I immediately shut the book and promised God that I would not read anything by this author ever again. Three weeks later, I got over my initial shock, finished that book in four days, and fell deeply in love with the exquisite and delightful work of E. Lynn Harris.

My heart was deeply saddened upon learning about E. Lynn Harris’ death a few weeks ago on July 24, 2009. He brought so much joy to my heart through his books and his humble presence. While he received some criticism and some heart-stopping reactions similar to my Bible Class story based on his choice to focus his novels on homosexual relationships in the African American community, Harris won over millions of fans with his memorable characters (Kyle was my fav!) and his heart-warming stories about love, friendship, and redemption. Harris’s rise from a computer executive to a New York Times bestselling novelist was as equally inspiring as his books. After I got hooked to Harris’s books, I went to all of his book signings EVERY time he came through Baltimore, and it was always amazing to see how many devoted fans loved him as much as I did.

Through his work, I met my delightful sisters from the Sistahs That Are Reading Something (S.T.A.R.S.) book club in 1999 (that us to the left with E. Lynn at the Baltimore Book Lover's Breakfast in 2000); I earned my first official by-line in the Baltimore AFRO American Newspaper after I covered his great book signing at Morgan State University in Summer 2001; and I created a beautiful bond with my nephew, Clifton, after we discovered our mutual love for Harris’s books. I distinctly remember choosing to read his book, If This World Were Mine (my favorite!), during a late night in college instead of studying for an exam that I had the next day. Yes, I was truly an E. Lynn Harris groupie.

While his body is gone from this earth, his words will certainly live on. I remember re-reading his second novel, Just As I Am, last summer for the zillionth time as I was going through a difficult patch with myself self-identity. I nearly peed my pants when I found the answer to my prayers at the end of this novel. He wrote, “God only gets mad when we come down here and pretend to be something we’re not. That really pisses Him off.” What a beautiful reminder!

Thank you, Brother E. Lynn, for graciously sharing your heart and your words with us. Thank you for always reminding us to love and respect one another, regardless of our race, creed, profession, or sexual preference. Thank you for taking a bold stand to write about homosexuality and the challenges of self-identity when so many in the African American community were afraid to talk about and deal with this issue. I personally thank you for making me laugh, cry, keeping me up late at night to finish your books, and helping me to value my worth as a child of God. You are gone but most certainly will not be forgotten.
Rest in peace, E. Lynn.

E. Lynn Harris’s Bibliography

Invisible Life
Just As I Am
And This Soon Shall Pass
If This World Were Mine
Abide With Me
Not a Day Goes By
Any Way the Wind Blows
A Love of My Own
What Becomes of the Brokenhearted (memoir)
I Say a Little Prayer
Too Good To Be True
Basketball Jones
Mama Dearest (to be published September 22, 2009)

Sign Up for The Team of WE Today!

2009-08-05T07:25:00.002-04:00

Growing up as a nerdy bookworm, I was allergic to organized sports and most physical activities. I didn’t like anything thrown at me, I wasn’t very fond of running, and certainly did not like to get dirty for no reason. I feel no shame about convincing my sister-mommy Diane to write several notes to my gym teachers over the years about my “conditions.” (Diane, the note you penned in 10th grade about my “severe reaction” to chlorinated pool water was BRILLANT. You helped me skip three weeks of swimming classes. LOL!). While I have been pretty successful at avoiding organized sports most of my life, I recently discovered the joy of getting on the court and joining the team of WE.

About a week ago, I took a mind-blowing empowerment class that helped me to really recognize that my life is truly not about me; I discovered that my life means NOTHING unless I am dedicated to taking a selfless stand for EVERY person in the world EVERY day. Tall order, eh? Little did I know that I and four other members in my class would get a crash course on what it means to stand for another person at the end of our Sunday night session. Let me set the scene.

It was just after midnight on the third day of our course. My classmates and I had just completed three days of intense, life-changing, 14-hour conversations. We were tired, hungry, and emotionally spent. Five of my comrades and I were gratefully walking out of the building on the way home. Then, one of our classmates approached us and told us that she would not be returning to complete the last part of our course on Tuesday. I’ve never seen five people get so enraged so quickly. We immediately rallied around her and used every strategy we could think of to get her to stay. There was yelling, laughter, frustration, some crying, some Salsa dancing, a breakout of Doritos and pretzel sticks, and a desperate call to a husband that a wife would be home eventually. Before we knew it, it was 2:45 a.m. (!!!!). We didn’t know if our classmate would show up on Tuesday, but we all knew that we learned a powerful lesson about standing and supporting another person. It was in that moment that I got off of the Team of ME and got on the Team of WE.

Folks, we don’t live on this planet by ourselves. We NEED each other to survive. If I accumulate massive wealth, it doesn’t mean anything if there are still homeless people in my neighborhood struggling to survive. I can’t boast about how wonderful my life is if my sister or brother is hurt or in pain. Life is about being an active member of the Team of WE. I realized during my stand for my classmate, whom I had just met three days prior, that I needed to take a stronger stand for my family, friends, and coworkers, many of whom I have known for most of my life. I am now FIERCLY dedicated to playing on the Team of WE. I look forward to getting dirty, grimy, and sweaty in order to stand for someone’s life. The Team of ME is exhausting and limiting; the Team of WE is invigorating and inspiring. Some members on the team of WE are tougher to fight for than others, but the game is SO worth it.

When I got to work on Monday, I was BEYOND tired. But, when one of my friends called me at 3:00 p.m. and told me that my classmate would be showing up on Tuesday, and then, when I actually saw her the following day, my heart was OVERFLOWING with love and energy that I can’t describe. I couldn’t stop hugging her and thanking God that my small role on the Team of WE helped another person reach her goal.

Are you signed up for the Team of WE? If not, make sure you show up on the field today!

(A HUGE shout out to the members of the super, duper, deluxe, late-night edition of the Advanced Course. I LOVE you guys SO much! And I love the rest of you guys who got proper rest that night, too. LOL!)

Switching Gears on My Blog

2009-08-05T07:25:00.000-04:00

When I started my blog in June, I initially wanted it to be a continuation of the plus-size fashion Web site that I started when I was in graduate school, and I wanted to add some inspirational thoughts to boost the spirit. While I still love exploring and discussing new plus-size fashions, I discovered that what I really like (and what wakes me up at 5:30 in the morning!) is talking about life and what it means to be part of the human experience right now. Being truly alive to my life and enjoying the company of my friends and family is the greatest natural high ever. I just LOVE being able to truly think about life’s lessons and share them with you through my blog. Additionally, I have also discovered that most of my readers are NOT plus-size women. LOL! I was quite shocked that folks like my brother Thomas’s good friend Donald and my good friend Laura’s father were also reading my blog (Love you, Gary!).

With all of these thoughts in mind, I have decided to switch gears on my blog. I am now committed to focusing more on writings that explore the fine art of day-to-day living and what we all can do to live it more fully. You can still find me at the same address (http://curvyandfabblog.blogspot.com/), and my blog will now be called:

The Lifestyles of a Curvy and Fabulous Diva:

One Woman’s Mission to Cover the World with

Love, Laughter, and Life…Out Loud!

I will still talk about plus-size fashion from time to time. I have an appointment at an upscale bra shop at the end of the month that I can’t WAIT to blog about! (Fellas, you can skip that one. LOL!). However, I am dedicated to exploring many more topics through my blog as the Spirit gives me inspiration.

What is really rocking my socks right now is learning that life is a universal experience. Whether we are plus-size, skinny, black, or white (and everything else in between!), we are all going to experience love and heartache, triumph and setbacks, life and death. So, I figured my little blog could be just one place where all are open to share, learn, and celebrate this beautiful gift that we call life.

And, I CANNOT say it enough: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for reading my words. It really humbles me to know that the words that God gives me helps you (and me!) to make it just one mo’ day.

Love you, all!!!!!!!!

Check out today's blog called "Sign Up for The Team of WE."

Let's Get Crazy!

2009-08-03T07:46:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite people in the world right now is President Barack Obama. Like many Obama fans, I was captivated by his eloquent speeches, his inspirational writings, and his unwavering stand for what this country can be. But what really got me is the fact that he’s just a little bit crazy. Not crazy as in he belongs in an insane asylum, but crazy enough to believe that he could become the first Black president of a country that has not been particularly kind to his people. He was out of his mind to stand in the face of incredible obstacles during his campaign and still be victorious. Even more looney, he saw the large looming task of tackling the toughest economy we’ve had in more than a generation and he stood firm in his commitment for this county. Now if that isn’t crazy, I don’t know what is.

I started thing about crazy people while I was in the supermarket yesterday. I was singing the chorus from Alanis Morrisette’s song “Crazy,” which says, “No we’re never gonna survive/Unless we get a little crazy.” As I strolled around Giant’s singing that song and subsequently freaking out my fellow shoppers, it dawned on me that my life would not change until I got really crazy about my hopes and dreams. I have lot of dreams that I am shooting for, but I realized that they weren’t crazy enough. Initially, I made a goal last week that I would walk 100 miles by December 31st. Now, I pushed that goal up to October 12th. I’ve always wanted to be a published author. Now, I’m crazy enough to believe that my books will rocket to the top of the New York Times bestseller list. Crazy? Hell yes. Impossible? Never!

This world isn’t changed by people who are sane; it’s transformed by people who are INSANE. Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Che Guevara were all lunatics. These men stood for the possibility of freedom for their people in the face of death, oppressive governments, and resistance from the very people they were trying to help. Mother Teresa, Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman were raving mad women. Harriet alone had to be just west of crazy to fearlessly help 300 slaves escape to freedom. I’ve mentioned some pretty extraordinary people here, but the only thing that stands between us and them is our ability to get crazy about our hopes and dreams. I challenge you to start dreaming OUTRAGEOUS dreams. I dare you to reach outside of your comfort zone and start shaking things up. I’m pushing you to turn your world upside down. If people start looking at you strangely or asking about your mental health, you’re probably on the right track. Just be cautious about singing about your craziness out loud in grocery stores.

Wishing you a day of absolute CRAZINESS!!!

Hair Advice Needed!

2009-07-31T08:12:00.004-04:00

Morning, folks! I have committed myself to walking 100 miles by December 31, 2009. In pursuit of that goal, my hair CANNOT be an issue. As much as I love my beloved Afro puffs, I need to put a shorter, wash-n-go hairdo into effect by the end of August. My ultimate goal is for my hair to be short enough for me to wash every two to three days yet still look feminine and classy for work and play. For those of you I haven’t seen in a minute, check out my profile pics on Facebook to see what my hair looks like now. I’ve had the same length for about nine years.

My initial thoughts are to cut the back and the sides down to about 1 ½ inches and to leave about 2 – 3 inches of hair on the top. I’m also thinking about cutting it to about 2 inches all over my head and getting a texturizer. I’m open to other ideas, especially from my fellow divas with short hair.

Your advice is gladly welcomed and needed! Thanks, folks!

How Great You're NOT

2009-07-29T05:40:00.003-04:00

When I’m not on Facebook or creating posts for this blog, I actually do work as a book editor for an educational company in the DC Metro area. Typically, it takes about nine months for a book to go from being a pile of paper on my desk to becoming an actual product that people can buy and read. Nine months is a long time to get attached to one project, and after awhile, I really start to treat my books like my babies. I become very cautious about who gets near my womb and tries to disrupt their development.

During the process of developing our books, we make time for a fellow editor to provide a critique of our books to ensure that we are creating the best possible product. For the most part, I really like this process because I like to hear from my fellow editors just how great my book project really is and what a great job I’ve done with it up to that point. So, I recently released one of my babies from my cubicle and allowed one of my fellow editors to begin the critiquing process. She took a few extra days to finish her critique, and I began thinking, “When she gives me my book back, I am REALLY going to find out what an AWESOME editor I am.” Boy, did I set myself up for the shock of a lifetime. When my baby came back to me, it was covered with a sea of Post-Its notes and editing marks up the ying yang. To say that I was HOT was an understatement. How dare my co-worker tear down this project that I had already worked on for six months! Didn’t she understand how brilliant it already was? I didn’t need her telling me how to fix my baby just before I was going to release it to the world.

In another part of my life, I’m taking several classes to discover more about me and my personal power. During one of my classes, the seminar leader said, “We don’t become more powerful by learning from what we already know. We grow from learning what we DON’T know.” Oh…my…God! Here I was PISSED at my co-worker for pointing out several errors in my latest book project, and I was this close to missing the blessing that she was providing for me – the opportunity to learn how great I was NOT so that I could create a better book and become a better book editor. When she first gave the book back to me, I just looked at that Post-It covered stack of paper with anger and disgust. After I got this revelation, I couldn’t wait to get back to my desk, read EVERY Post-It, and soak up all the lessons that she gave to me.

If you are like me, I’m sure you love to hear other people tell you how wonderful, beautiful, amazing, and fantastic you are. We can all spend days basking in the glow of how terrific we really think we are. But God forbid if anyone comes up to us and tells us how great we are NOT. We will cause heaven and earth to split wide open if anyone dares to tell us that we are really nasty, selfish, inconsiderable, and evil. Our ego can’t handle that kind of truth. Even though it hurts like hell to hear, my friends, I come to tell you that our faults and shortcomings are the greatest things that could ever happen to us. And when someone has the courage to tell you how great you are NOT, push your ego aside and be open to the gift they are giving you. When you allow the gift of your un-greatness to come into your life, your world will never be the same.

As I was thinking about this blog post yesterday, I began singing of one of my favorite hymns “How Great Thou Art.” I almost threw myself into hysterical fit when I replaced the words of that song to “How Great You’re NOT.” The more I laughed, the more I realized that when we go through life and think we have it all together, we miss the opportunity to learn how to be even better than we were before. Even though my ego is not looking forward to it, I can’t wait to get another present.

Friends, I hope you get some unexpected gifts today.

(A HUGE shout out to all the prego ladies in my life who inspired the baby analogy in this posting. I CANNOT wait to meet these little people who are already creating ruckus from inside the womb. LOL!)

TCL: Taking Care of Linen

2009-07-22T08:00:00.007-04:00

I actually have a question for my beloved readers this morning -- How do you take care of your summer linen at home? I had the pleasure of purchasing two great new linen pieces this summer: a full white linen skirt on SALE (!!!) at Ashley Stewart and a linen top with a mandarin collar at the Goodwill. (Shout out to my lunch buddy Adriane for our chauffering our lunch excursion to find the Goodwill with the nice plus-size section. :-) I recently took both pieces into the dry cleaners and came out with a bill for almost $25!!!. There is NOTHING fabulous about that. So, how do you divas take care of your summer linens at a reasonable price? My wallet thanks you in advance.

I CHOOSE!

2009-07-20T08:30:00.000-04:00

I Choose/To be the best that I can be/I Choose/To be authentic in everything I do/My past don’t dictate who I am /I CHOOSE!! – India.Arie

I had the pleasure of (finally!) seeing one of my favorite contemporary artists, India.Arie, in concert this past weekend. All I can say is that she was BEYOND amazing. Not only did I enjoy her voice, but I appreciated her presence and what she stands for as an artist and a woman. On top of that, I was very pleased to see that her background singers were two gorgeous, plus-size, voluptuous divas who could really SANG! The highlight of my evening was hearing India sing my absolute favorite song by her, which is “I Choose.” After the concert, I began thinking about the power of choice and how I could continue building the courage to create my life more powerfully.

I am woman enough to say that I had a little moment during that concert. John Legend, who was equally amazing and delightful to look at and lust over, was the headliner for the evening and I was enjoying his set until he started to sing his song “Slow Dance.” I would have been perfectly fine if he did not encourage all the fellas in the building to grab their ladies and pull them close. My exquisite evening for one was slowly unraveling as I had the stark realization that there was no one for me to slow dance with at that moment. I let the funk get a little cozy with me for awhile, but then I had to quickly catch my thoughts and make the choice not to wallow in my singleness. I had to make the choice to be grateful for the money that God gave me for the ticket, gas, and fabulous outfit and make-up to get me to the concert. I had to choose to be glad that there would be no booty call expected from me at the end of the night for the price of my concert ticket. Instead, I chose to be glad that I had the opportunity to listen to two of my favorite artists and spend time with my favorite person on the planet – me.

Some choices are easier than others. I love choosing which shade of eye shadow I will wear for the day, but I’m not always so fond of stepping up to the plate when a confrontation comes my way. I love choosing to get down on some good home cooking, such as my sister Wanda’s mac and cheese, but I’m not fond of what the scale will say if I don’t balance out a rich meal with a few laps around the track. We all have choices to make every day. We can choose to let someone piss us off, we can choose to allow someone’s opinion affect us, we can choose to be ruled by the scale, and we can choose to live our lives far below our God-given privilege. But, we can also choose to ignore people and opinions that are not worthy of who we are, we can choose to live healthy lives on our own terms, and rise to the greatness that God has placed inside each and every one of us. I wish I could report that the tough decisions get easier as I go along (no such luck!), but I am glad to have the growing wisdom and knowledge to make better choices and to know that I can choose to make each day better than the last.

May your day be filled with the CHOICE to be all that God has made you to be!

Stripes Rule Everything Around Me!

2009-07-17T08:30:00.003-04:00

Every time I hear a so-called fashion expert throw in his or her limited three cents about plus-size fashion, he or she will always point out that big girls should never wear stripes. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Stacey London. I broke up with “What Not to Wear” two seasons ago. Stacey is just ridiculously mean and she and Clinton give the same advice over and over again!). I LOVE big, bold, and beautiful stripes and I believe that ANY woman can carry them off if she knows how to do it right. Now, I don’t want anybody, lean or plus-size, walking around with a striped maxidress from the early 90s (think Janet Jackson’s “That the Way Love Goes” or Salt-n-Pepa’s “Shoop” videos), but you shouldn’t fear adding a few stripes to your wardrobe when the mood hits you. In today’s post, I will give you a few of my rules about sporting stripes and show you some classic and trendy ways to wear stripes with confidence.

The Stripe is Right

When selecting a striped piece for my wardrobe, I use the following guidelines to help me pick pieces that will flatter my figure:

Horizontal Stripes: Horizontal stripes need to be wide and uniform across the entire garment. I like for my horizontal stripes to almost look like neat, tidy paint samples. (That’s my obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) talking. Don’t mind her!) The one area that I will agree with the fashion experts on is wearing a top with horizontal stripes across your bust line. You do NOT want to create a uni-boob! I do, however, like stripes that fall directly under the bust line like in this beautiful color block dress from Igigi ($138.00). This fun and flirty tie-dyed striped dress from Ashley Stewart ($49.00) is also a nice way to wear horizontal stripes tastefully.

Vertical Stripes: Vertical stripes are a little bit kinder to plus-size gals and they can be worn either wide or skinny. I especially love a good pinstriped or seersucker pant or jacket for the summer. The only caution I have about vertical stripes is when the pattern includes too many colors. A stripe can quickly go from good to bad when it is swallowed by a rainbow of color. I don’t want any of you to look like you escaped from the circus! These pinstriped gaucho pants from Lane Bryant have a perfect balance of thin vertical stripes ($49.50) and are a classy addition to your professional wardrobe.

Diagonal Stripes: Diagonal stripes can also be worn both thin and wide. These stripes are perfect for tops and blouses because they take attention away from the bust line and help to create the illusion of a small waistline. Similar to vertical stripes, you also want to be cautious of diagonal stripes with too many colors. This blue, black, and white dress from Lane Bryant ($69.50) is a perfect example of good diagonal and vertical stripes used well together to highlight this model’s beautiful pear shape figure.

When Good Stripes Go Bad

The following stripe patterns should be avoided at all costs:

Super thin horizontal stripes (Creates a bad optical illusion for plus-size figures)
Multicolored vertical stripes (I hear the circus calling!)
Sailor stripes (The worst uni-boob maker EVER!)
Horizontal stripes on a pant or skirt (Save this pattern for your PJs ONLY!)
Squiggly stripes (Only Charlie Brown can rock the squiggle stripe)
Stripes with animal print (Just say NO!!)

Don’t let anything stop you from showing your stripes. Wear them BOLDLY, ladies!

Until next time,

Stay curvy and fabulous!

Becoming a Transformer

2009-07-15T07:48:00.004-04:00

When my brother Thomas and I were in elementary school, we spent almost every morning watching “The Transformers” before we went to school. (He swears that he let me watch my girly cartoons, but I have no recollection of any equality in our AM cartoon routine). For the first few moments of the show, I would be annoyed because I didn’t get to watch what I wanted to see. But somewhere after the first commercial break, my whining would cease and I would be captured by the amazing world of the Autobots and the Decepticons. I loved when they made the “chuucka chuucka” sound when they would transform and I secretly wished that I could become the yellow bumble bee car. I never let on to my brother that I really liked the show (I’ve got a 30-year streak of not admitting when he is right. Why stop now?). Now that "The Transformers" have gained popularity again, it made me think more about how we have the power to be Transformers in our own lives every day.

As creatures of habit, we all get easily stuck in bad routines, poor choices, tumultuous relationships, and destructive thinking. Sometimes we get real cozy with our adverse situations and give up the possibility of turning things around for the better. Four years ago, I began what I thought was an innocent relationship with Chipotle burritos. Sure, they looked healthier than the Taco Bell burritos I grew up with, but these puppies were packing some serious calories behind that tortilla. It almost broke my heart when I learned that my beloved chicken burrito with black beans, rice, corn, sour cream, and salsa verde was a whopping 1,100 calories! Why God why? Although I am making light of my obsession with Chipotle, the reality of the heavy caloric values of many of my favorite fast foods made me begin to take a closer look at how I was thinking about food and my health. I certainly enjoyed the taste of my beloved treats in the moment of consumption, but they weren’t valuable enough for me to continue piling on more pounds and stealing away precious years from my life. Making healthy food choices is still a transformative process for me with EVERY single bite I take. But I am willing to do the work to transform into healthier, longer living Leah for me and the family and friends that I love. My ultimate goal is to transform into a hot 90-year old diva with a sharp tongue and a quick wit to tell folks like it is. There’s no burrito in the world worth me missing out on that gift.

One of my favorite Bible verses is “Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom 12:1-2). We have the power to use our minds to choose to transform into anything that we want to be. We can make the choice with every thought to be healthy, courageous, thoughtful, loving, innovative, sexy, kind, brilliant, and any other qualities under the sun that will help us to fulfill our God-given talents and purpose. There are many days when Chipotle still calls my name. However, my greater goals are bigger than succumbing to 1,100 calories. For me, making healthier food choices may not immediately be as dramatic as transforming from a robot to a hot sports car, but I am praying that each small choice I make will help me to transform from ordinary to EXTRAORDINARY!

Wishing you a blessed day of TRANSFORMATION!

Hip Hop Designers Who Love The Big Girls

2009-07-13T08:30:00.016-04:00

It is always a pleasant surprise to stumble upon mainstream designers who have a chic and sexy line of plus-size clothing in their collections. I found the cutest black bubble dress from Baby Phat over the weekend and I went on a hunt for other hip hop designers who have love for the big girls. Here are a few sizzling treats from Baby Phat, Rocawear, and Apple Bottoms.

Baby Phat by Kimora Lee Simmons

This bubble dress from Baby Phat ($64.00) has sexy written all over it. I’m still working up my courage to unleash this one on a Saturday night. This sexy, tribal print maxidress ($79.00) is also a winner.

Rocawear by Jay-Z

I’m loving Jay-Z and his design team for this fantastic purple fringe dress ($69.00) and this super chic floral print dress ($69.00)

Apple Bottoms by Nelly

I’m not a fan of Apple Bottom jeans (Seriously, nobody needs to see two inches of my crack!), but I am a fan of the gorgeous brown and gold metallic dress ($58.65) and this adorable denim romper ($84.00).

Here’s hoping that these hip fashions will get you hopping in the right direction.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Feel the Funk...And Keep on Livin' Anyway!

2009-07-10T16:12:00.011-04:00

Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I can find the bright spot in almost anything. From broken bones to busted zippers to no-good baby daddies, I can help you discover something to be grateful for in your situation. But when it comes to me, I always believe that I should be immune from life's crap. Instead dealing with a rough patch, I try to skip over it, make it pretty, or pretend that it doesn't affect me. It doesn't take a palm reader to predict what happens when we try to skip over life's lessons.

Today's lesson (still in progress!) is to learn the value of making mistakes, saying something wrong, or doing something offensive. If I don't feel the pain of being imperfect, I won't learn how to perfect my imperfections. If I don't accept the not-so-good days, then I won't be able to celebrate the days of my life that really rock. If I never skin my knees, then I won't have the joy of soothing that pain with the ecstacy of finding a really great pair of jeans.

Ladies, feel your funk and keep on livin' anyway. We only have ONE life to live and it is our gift to enjoy ALL of it -- even when the gift comes covered in dog poo.

Wishing you a funk-free weekend! And if the funk does find you, dance with it and not against it!

Delicious Summer Wraps

2009-07-08T08:30:00.000-04:00

Summer is definitely one of my favorite seasons of the year. However, I have never been fond of going from hot sweltering temperatures outside to Arctic frigid air conditioning inside, especially if I am wearing a sleeveless or short-sleeved top. If the temperature in your building rivals an Antarctic winter like my office does, you almost want to wrap yourself in a down comforter to knock off the chill. (I’m SO not kidding. You should see me and my girls breaking out blankets, sweaters, and wrap scarves every day). While I am especially grateful for my job and the abundant air conditioning that it provides, I’m also grateful for beautiful summer cardigans, shawls, and shrugs that keep me warm and fabulous. Here are a few delicious summer wraps that you can rock in the office, at the movies, on a picnic, or a night out.

I wear this beautiful Charter Club cardigan in black with almost everything during the summer. I have no idea why these cardigans are currently ONLY $4.99 (!!!). But, I strongly advise you to act like the lady in this IKEA commercial and just keep running towards the door.

The details on this beautiful cranberry shawl from Ashley Stewart ($24.99) make me all warm and tingly inside. I can easily see myself wearing this piece well into autumn.

How cute are these floral-print sweaters from Old Navy ($16.99)? I’m especially in love with the yellow print but I can’t deny the equally fabulous navy print if I tried. So fly!

I love that this sweater from Jessica London ($19.99) is both a shrug and a cardigan. Shall I call it a “shardigan”? It is mucho adorable and I love that it comes in a bevy of delicious summer colors.

Ladies, don’t get caught in the frigid winds of summer air conditioning without a proper wrap to keep you warm and beautiful. Bundle up!

Until next time,
Stay curvy, (warm!), and fabulous!

Underwire is NOT the Enemy!

2009-07-06T07:30:00.008-04:00

Somewhere around the tender age of 13, I had the misfortune of trying on an underwire bra that was clearly the wrong size. It poked, it stabbed, and it almost robbed me of my adolescent sanity. I had never felt so uncomfortable in one piece of clothing in all my life. From that day forward, I promised my precious ta-tas that they would never ever be tortured by the likes of the demon called underwire.

For the next 17 years, I moved heaven and earth to find comfortable, wire-free, D-cup, plus-size bras (The more adjectives you add, the harder the search.). My search was definitely not as fun as the models in the Victoria Secret ads made bra shopping to be. And unbeknownst to me, I made my search even harder by limiting myself to wire-free bras.

But, yesterday I made a breakthrough. While I was at Lane Bryant’s Buy Two, Get Two Free Bra Sale, I decided to get my girls re-measured and see if underwire bras were still a tool from Lucifer’s Lair. After getting my proper size (44 DD for Double Dynamite), I decided to try on a hot pink underwire bra from Cacique’s Balconette collection. Alrighty, cup one, cup two, adjust the straps, and …what the heck? It fits AND it doesn’t hurt! When did that happen? Why didn’t anyone tell me how fantastic underwire bras are? Oh boy! I was on a roll now. By the end of that productive shopping trip, I ended up purchasing four new underwire bras.

What I discovered is that underwire bras are only the enemy if you are not wearing the proper size. On the rare occasions that I tried underwire bras over the years, the bras that I selected were either too large and sat uncomfortably on my rib cage or too small and pinched my breasts. Neither condition is desirable. When you are wearing the right size, the underwire in an underwire bra should fall right under your breast tissue. As you look into a mirror, your bra should lift your breasts so that they form one beautiful line between your shoulder and your elbow. As I mentioned in my previous post, “To Thine Own Breast Be True,” a proper bra fitting is essential for building a good bra collection and this advice is even more true when it comes to finding underwire bras that give you just the right support.

It feels weird for me to type the words “bra” and “liberated” in the same sentence, but I today I do feel liberated in knowing that I don’t have to limit my bra selection to just the wire-free section. I can now go forth and be properly uplifted! What a joy!

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

P.S. Lane Bryant’s Buy Two, Get Two Free Bra Sale ends today (7/6/09). Don’t miss your underwire miracle!!

Fabulous Fourth of July Pampering

2009-07-03T06:32:00.034-04:00

If you are like me, you probably get really excited about long holiday weekends and the possibilities of long hours of sleeping in, relaxing, and recharging. Instead, you end up spending most of your time catching up on overdue chores, returning phone calls to old friends, running to as many cookouts as you can hit in 72 hours, squeezing in a few moments to shop, and making a to-do list for the next long holiday weekend.

Before you begin your Olympic sprint toward an exhausted and burnt-out Monday morning, I’m challenging you to take a moment to pamper yourself this weekend. Whether it is reading a few chapters in a new book, watching a marathon of your favorite trashy reality show, or sleeping in for a few extra hours, make a vow to create a small window of luxury for yourself over the next few days. Here’s what’s on my list of Fabulous Fourth of July pampering this weekend.

Are You the Bomb?

Growing up, I was the queen of the 25-minute shower and the two-hour bath. You can imagine how well these water-guzzling hobbies went over with my eight other siblings. Now that I have a tub all to myself, I cannot wait to take a long soak with Lush’s bath bomb in Honey Bee. Lush’s bath bombs smell AMAZING and they make your bath water super soft. I’m also addicted to their bath bombs in Butterball and Vanilla Fountain.

For my fellow curvy divas in the DC/MD/VA area, you MUST visit the Lush Store on M St. in Georgetown. You can smell the deliciousness from a mile away. Pure heaven!

A Trip to Paisley Park

I’m a bit of an addict when it comes to collecting sets of jersey sheets for my bed. I just love the feeling of being cuddled by a soft t-shirt. I almost broke out into a mini-praise break when I found this adorable set of pink paisley jersey sheets at Target for...wait for it…$19.99!! Hallelujah!! I’m looking forward to catching a few more zzz’s in these paisley wonders.

The Pampering Bible

If you need more pampering ideas, I highly recommend Debrena Jackson Gandy's Sacred Pampering Principles. This book is full of wonderful and indulgent ideas for pampering your body and your soul. I found this book 11 years ago and I still call it my pampering bible.

Don’t let Sunday night sneak up on you with taking a few moments for yourself. Pamper yourself NOW. Your body will thank you. Have a FABULOUS 4th, ladies!!!

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Live Your Life Off the Wall!

2009-07-01T08:30:00.001-04:00

I heard the title track from Michael Jackson’s solo debut “Off the Wall” for the first time at Morgan’s bookstore during my senior year of college. I was absentmindedly searching for snacks at the front counter and this song began pouring out of the overhead speakers. I was amazed that there were still Michael Jackson songs out there that I didn’t know and I immediately fell in love with the song’s funky disco groove and the infectious chorus.

So tonight gotta leave that 9 to 5 upon the shelf/And just enjoy yourself/Groove, let the madness in the music get to you/Life ain’t so bad at all/If you live it off the wall

Here are the lyrics that really got me --

Gotta hide your inhibitions/Gotta let that fool loose deep inside your soul/Want to see an exhibition/Better do it now before you get too old/ ‘Cause we’re the party people night and day/ Livin’ crazy is the only way

Talk about falling in love with a song at the first listen! I ran out to my nearest music store…well, who I am I kidding, you know fat girls don’t really run. Let’s just say I walked…OK, OK, I drove really quickly to find this CD. After finding it and playing this song for the 100th time, “Off the Wall” became the anthem for my life. I’m a person who always searches for quirky or unique elements about everything. If everybody decides to jump off a bridge, I’m going to try to jump off an even better bridge with sparkly lights. Yet, in the past few years working in the professional world, I allowed my life to go from off the wall to inside a confining box. I started to squelch some of my passion and fire because I didn’t want to offend anyone with my bold, colorful wardrobe, my loud laugh (which often includes snorting!), and my curiosity and wonder for life. I started putting myself into a neat and tidy cell and I was very close to just giving up a lot of the wonderful and quirky things that make me who I am.

When I became tired of being bored and frustrated with this mundane existence that I had created for myself, I decided that living a boxed in and restrained life was far from who I wanted to be. I became dedicated to living my life totally off the wall. I stopped caring about other people and what they might think about me and my choices. I was determined not to become yet another person who swallows their dreams for the comfort of others.

Like many of you, my heart was certainly heavy upon learning the news of Michael Jackson’s death last week. No matter what you thought about his life or his choices, he certainly lived his life off the wall. This is a man who definitely used the 50 years that God gave him to the fullest extent. I am honored to have been just a mere listener and admirer of the wonderful talent that he was.

It might not be your calling to create the greatest album of all time or to dance your way into the hearts of millions. But, it is your destiny NOT to live your life in a box. Try something new. Explore a new trend that you’ve never tried before. Give your number to that cute guy you’ve been flirting with since forever. Whatever it is and whatever it takes, LIVE YOUR LIFE OFF THE WALL!

And before we go, how HOT is this rainbow sequins party dress ($208.00) by Monif C? It is so TOTALLY off the wall. I need a really good reason to unleash all of this fabulousness on the world. Maybe at a good concert or next Tuesday at work? LOL!

Love you, Hot Mamas!

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

I humbly dedicate this blog post to the life and incredible talent of Michael Jackson. Rest in peace.

Worship the Sundress!

2009-06-29T08:30:00.000-04:00

By now you know I am hopelessly addicted to bright colors and bold patterns. (I affectionately refer to my closet as “The Carnival.”) I especially enjoy finding a bright, beautiful color in a sexy sundress. When the sun roasts my skin from Toffee to Milk Chocolate to Dark Chocolate by late August, I just love complimenting my shoulders or my legs with a cute sundress that shows off my assets and helps me stay cool on sweltering summer days. Here are a few sundresses that I am worshiping this summer:

Who knew Cal vin Klein had love for the big girls? This beautiful, geometric print halter dress ($138.00) is beyond gorgeous. The elastic waistband under the rib cage is just perfect for showcasing the “girls” and hiding a little extra cushion.

Monif C. sho’ do know how to flatter a curvy diva and this season’s collection is no exception. This divine flower-print, handkerchief dress ($245.00) is a celebration of color that makes my heart jump for joy.

Even though I was born in ’79, I can certainly appreciate this beautiful 70s inspired dress by Donna Morgan. While it’s not a traditional sundress ($98.00), I can certainly see myself sporting this fun, short number on a hot Saturday night.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Better Than Babies and Puppies

2009-06-24T07:45:00.000-04:00

Whenever I am walking about in my neighborhood, I find it nearly impossible to walk by an adorable baby without tickling her chin or a cute puppy without stroking his fur. As I lovingly stroke or pet the new object of my affection, my voice magically raises to a higher octave as I lavish the baby or puppy with adoration and praise for being so gosh darn cute. After the parent or owner allows me to indulge their baby or pet, without fail, the baby strolls away in a wash or giggles and smiles and the puppy wags his tail with even more gleeful delight. The more I reflected on this behavior, it made me think, “What if I treated every woman I knew just like a cute baby or a puppy?”

Think about it for a second. Many of us treat babies and puppies better than we treat each other. There are days when I can go throughout an entire day without saying a positive or complimentary word to another person. I will be sure to pick out a fellow diva’s flaw or mistake, but slow to give her a compliment or congratulate her on a job well done. As women of all sizes, we are taught to see each other as competition rather than as a companion or a teacher on our life’s journey. Wouldn’t it be a beautiful shift in our culture if we could all celebrate each other’s beauty and talents and not be afraid or threatened to give another woman a genuine compliment?

Granted, I would be a little freaked out if a fellow diva came up to me and started randomly stroking my hair or cooing to me in baby talk. But wouldn’t it be nice if every woman made it a goal to tell at least two other women each day how beautiful they look? Wouldn’t it be nice to hear, “Girl, you are wearing that outfit!” or “Girl, you did a great job on your presentation today!” instead of “Who does she think she is?” or “Girl, I can’t stand her!” We would all be a bunch of grinning fools if we could sincerely give and receive more of the heartfelt compliments and praise that we crave. (C’mon, it’s not just me. Some days we really NEED another diva to tell us we got it going on!)

I’m sure some of you are thinking that I live in a land of make believe and am ignorant to the fact that there women out there who may not be worthy of the attention that you would give to a crab, let alone a baby or a puppy. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of clawing and pinching from other women during my 30 years on the planet. Yet, some of the most difficult women that I have encountered have softened when I have given them even the smallest compliment. That’s not to say that I don’t have to dig WAY deep for a nice thing to say at times, but extending a genuine compliment sure does go a long way.

So, the next time you are strolling about and you see a cute baby or a puppy, just think “Did I take the time today to treat a fellow diva the way that I want to be treated?” or “Did I make the effort to give another woman a genuine compliment?” A baby or puppy probably won’t remember if you “Ooh” and “Aah” over them, but a heartfelt compliment will help a fellow diva stand taller, walk with more confidence, and believe in herself a little more.

If you haven’t heard a good word yet today, let me be the first to tell you, “Girl, you are more FABULOUS than words can say!”

Peace.

It's Time for a Panty Raid

2009-06-22T14:56:00.009-04:00

Yes, I am guilty of owning WAY more panties than one woman should have. 75 in all to be exact (DON’T judge me!). Perhaps it’s my fear of being in an accident and not having clean drawers or my fear that I’ll be caught somewhere without a working washing machine. As I am in the process of releasing excess from my life, I thought what EXACTLY should go into a well-stocked panty drawer? Here is my advice on what’s too old, what’s worth keeping, and when it’s necessary to treat yourself to something new.

Some Things Are Too Old
It’s time for your panties to hit the road if they are

Excessively torn or stained
No longer elastic
More than 24-36 months old (It’s REALLY not cute to brag that you have underwear older than your children!)
One to two sizes too tight or too loose

Some Things Are Worth Keeping
I’m trying to pare down to the following panty essentials:

Everyday Panties (14-21 pairs) – I am a strong advocate for having AT LEAST a three week supply of good panties that are comfortable, breathable, and don’t show any visible panty lines (VPLs). See my favorite pairs below.
Fancy Panties (5-10 pairs) – Every woman needs a few pair of sexy underwear to make her feel beautiful for herself or that special someone.
Thongs (3-5 pairs) – Thongs are perfect for light-colored or linen pants or skirts, body hugging formal wear, or just a day when the panties get to be too much.
PMS Panties (7-10 pairs) – Depending on your individual cycle, you need to hold on to just a few (and I do mean a FEW!) pairs of panties that are suitable for your time of the month.

It’s Time for Something New
It’s time for new panties if

You have recently lost or gained 10-15 pounds
You can see your panties or panty lines through your clothing (a sho’ nuff sign that your panties are too loose or too old)
You haven’t purchased new panties within the last two years
You are still wearing maternity panties and your “baby” is now in kindergarten
It’s Monday and you just feel like treating yourself to some new drawers (LOL!)

A Few of My Favorite Things

Stretch Cotton Panties
My sister-mommy Diane turned me on to these fabulous Stretch Cotton panties from Lane Bryant ($12.99) a few years ago. I don’t know how these panties simultaneously smooth and support my belly and manage to erase VPLs, but I am a firm believer in their magic.

Comfort Choice Tag-Free Briefs
Yes, my name is Leah, and I still believe in good ol’ fashioned, cover-your-entire-tail bloomers. That’s right I said it! Well, believe it or not these classic panties from Comfort Choice have come a LONG way from the big granny panties of yore and have even branched out from the traditional pastel palette of colors. (Look how cute these are!) Even better, they are still economical at just $14.99 for five pair.

On Sale NOW!
Right now is the perfect time to work on your panty collection with the following sales this week

Victoria’s Secret Half-Yearly Sale (sale ends on Wednesday, June 24th)
Lane Bryant’s Cacique Semi-Annual Sale

As of this morning, I’m now down to 50 pairs. Let’s pray that I get down to just 40 pairs by the end of the summer.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Up Next: Capris: The Summer Wonder Pant

Fire Up Your Wonder Woman Soundtrack!!

2009-06-19T08:00:00.005-04:00

Toward the end of my graduate school studies, I was truly running on empty both physically and mentally. I was snippy, short-tempered, and full charged to curse anyone out if they stepped to me incorrectly. I was light years away from the cool and even-tempered Leah I have fallen back in love with today.

When my morning Starbucks fix no longer worked and I knew that I couldn’t complain to my family and friends one more day, I created my own Wonder Woman Soundtrack mix on my iPod. The songs I chose were simple but profound tunes that helped me to remember God’s love for me, get centered on what’s most important, and affirm my fabulousness. As I cranked up my mix in the morning (much to the displeasure of my neighbors!), I felt like I was putting on invincible Wonder Woman bracelets just like Lynda Carter. On the days when I had a full plate at work and a long class at night, these songs infused me with the strength to know that I could run on and the power to propel me to the finish line.

If you are like me, I’m sure your days are filled with juggling full schedules at home and work, providing listening ears for your girlfriends, squeezing in time for church and community, and grasping for just a chunk of ME time to call your own. It ain’t easy to always be a strong, beautiful, and confident woman. Some situations (and some people!) actually REQUIRE you to transform from Woman to Wonder Woman. On the days when you need to turn on your Wonder Woman power, fire up your own mix of tunes that will help you to stand confidently in your womanhood, celebrate the gift of life, and be assured of God’s love and grace for you.

While I like to mix up my Wonder Woman Soundtrack from time to time, a few empowering jams I can always count on are

“Higher Ground” by Stevie Wonder
“Golden” by Jill Scott
“I Choose” by India.Arie
“Get Up” by Mary Mary
“Suddenly I See” by K.T. Tunstall
“I Still Have Joy” by Tye Tribbett

And when I am REALLY feeling good, I can’t live without

“Got to Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn, and
Baltimore Club Classic “Watch Out for the Big Girls”

Whatever songs you use to ignite your Wonder Woman powers, let the words encourage you to live up to your God-given potential EVERY day and fuel you to be the BEST curvy and fabulous diva that you can be!

The world betta watch out for the BIG GIRLS!

Much love!

Taking Dresses to the Max

2009-06-17T18:00:00.005-04:00

I’m in LOVE with maxidresses this season. Not only am I in love with their length, but I am grateful that their long layers cover a multitude of my body sins. I am currently on the hunt for the perfect maxidress that has a bright, vivid summer color, sufficiently hides my tummy, and can easily be worn in the office and on the weekends. Quite a tall order for one piece of clothing, but I’m determined to make it happen. Here are a few contenders on my list.

I adore this classic white maxidress from Ashley Stewart ($49.00). It is super comfortable and has a beautiful lightweight fabric.

I realize the next two dresses are a bit luxe in their price range, but a girl can dream, can’t she? Besides, I know that someone wants to give me a present for the six-month anniversary of my 30th birthday or for just being me. Right? LOL!

How much do I LOVE this beautiful, one shoulder, hot pink maxidress by the Rachel Pally White Label? Let me count the ways. You can find this lovely number at Nordstrom’s for $260.00.

The stripes on this gorgeous, ombre maxidress by Adrianna Papell are just right. They will lengthen and beautify your figure without stretching you out in the wrong direction. The dress is also available from Nordstrom’s for $188.00.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Up Next: Fire Up Your Wonder Woman Soundtrack!!!

To Thine Own Breasts Be True

2009-06-15T14:11:00.006-04:00

For those of us curvy and fab divas who have been blessed with beautiful, bountiful bosoms, we all know that our breasts can be our best friends or our worst enemies. If you are a D cup and above like me, you are acutely aware of the frustration of finding a gorgeous top or dress and then not be able to fit your girls into the garment (Argh!). Here is my list of tips for embracing, enhancing, and showing off your breasts tastefully and avoiding a Janet Jackson Nipplegate scandal of your own.

Bra Fittings and Essentials

1. Know Your Current Bra Size. The first step to embracing your breasts is to know your current bra size. If you have lost or gained 10-15 pounds since the last time you purchased a bra, you will need to adjust your bra size accordingly. You can get a bra fitting at most major department stores (e.g., Macy’s, Nordstrom’s) and most plus-size retail stores (e.g., Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart).

2. Fit, Fit, FIT. After you discover your correct bra size, you should invest in properly fitted bras that do the following:

Provide support from the band, not the bra straps
Have comfortable bra straps that do not dig into your shoulders
Allow your breasts to be aligned midway between your shoulder and your elbow

3. Take inventory. Every curvy and fab diva should strive to have the following items in her bra inventory:

6-8 everyday, properly fitting bras
2-3 fancy bras (with coordinating panties!)
1 strapless bra with convertible straps
1 minimizing bra
1 enhancing bra
2-4 sports bras

4. Embrace Camisoles As Your New Best Friend. If you have a low-cut blouse or dress that you love but shows a little more clevage tha you need, camisoles will be your new best friend. I have a few low-cut sundresses that I love to wear to work and I have gotten more mileage out of them by pairing them with a cute coordinating camisole underneath. You can also pair up a cami with a shirt that may have become a little too snug in the front.

Breast Etiquette

5. Timing is EVERYTHING! I’m all for tastefully showing your cleavage as appropriate, but just remember that timing is everything. If you are attending a more formal or conservative event (e.g., church, formal gala), then you probably want to keep the girls under wraps or show as little cleavage as possible. For a night on the town with the girls, I say let ‘em out to your comfort level.

6. Mind the gap! Yes, I know we all hate going up to that next size, but, really, if your shirt or blouse is gaping in the front, you are not doing yourself any favors by parading around with a big hole all day. And trying to minimize it with a safety pin just makes it worse. As a general rule, let’s not wearing anything that doesn’t show the best of who we are.

7. How low is too low? My personal rule for showing off any body part is that YOU have to feel comfortable FIRST. If you go on the town with a beautiful top that has a plunging neckline, but you spend all your time pulling at your top or adjusting your bra, then that top is too low for you. Personally, I’m still working on my cleavage confidence, but I say “Bravo” to my curvy and fab girls who can tastefully and beautifully show their breasts with pride. And you get two snaps in “Z” formation from me if you can dip it as low as the late, great Phyllis Hyman in this picture.

Ladies, enjoy your breasts. There are women all over this country who would kill to have the naturally, curvy, and voluptuous bosoms that many of us curvy and fab enjoy. Find your comfort level with your cleavage and look for tops and dresses that make the most of your assets.

But, ladies, oh ladies, no matter how confident you feel in revealing your cleavage, NOBODY (and I do mean NOBODY!) needs to see your nipples. And to quote the illustrious rap duo OutKast – Ever? Ever? Never EVER!!!!

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Up Next: Taking Dresses to the Max

It’s Time to Get a Divorce

2009-06-11T05:53:00.003-04:00

I was listening to one of my favorite groups, The Roots, a few weeks ago and I was struck by a particularly profound lyric from their song “Clock with No Hands.” In this song rapper Black Thought says,

I was married to a state of mind and then I divorced it.

Wow! How many of us are married to thoughts and ideas that are weighing us down and keeping us from feeling beautiful? I entered into a very toxic marriage of the mind during my teenage years growing up in Baltimore. In the early to mid 90s, seemingly every guy was looking for girls who were light-skinned, thin, and had long hair. There wasn’t but so much I could do to change my medium-brown skin, my predestined genes for being a plus-size woman, and my coarse, curly hair that resisted every super, duper, bone-straight perm known to man. Building a strong and healthy body image and learning to love me felt down right impossible.

As I grew and matured, I realized that the true value of my beauty had to begin with my beliefs about myself. I had to stop hating the beautiful body that God gave me and begin celebrating all the wonderful things that I’ve been blessed to do with this vessel for the past 30 years. What I have learned (and still am learning!), is that when I TRULY focus my thoughts on loving me, regardless of what the scale says or what pants I can fit into for the day, I become a magnet for good people who support me and help me create a love-filled life that works for me.

Like me, I’m sure that many of you have had to leap over mountains to build and maintain a healthy sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. Some days it is really challenging to feel good about being a curvy and fabulous diva when you are faced with the reality of a limited selection of plus-size clothing in most retail stores, a fashion industry focused on ridiculously thin women, and the general prejudice that is perpetuated in this country against overweight people.

But today, let’s get a divorce from our own negative beliefs and self-talk. Let’s get a divorce from negative people and their negative ideas about what is or is not beautiful. Let’s get a divorce from the fashion industry’s standards and ideas about who deserves to wear and flaunt beautiful clothes. Let’s not spend one more moment married to thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that don’t help us to create and celebrate the beautiful bodies God gave each and every one of us.

We’ve all heard unhappily married folks joke and say “It’s cheaper to keep her.” When it comes to our bodies, it might be cheaper to hold to your old familiar beliefs, but it’s far too costly to miss out on what your life could be by not accepting and loving all of who you are right now.

Wishing you a happy marriage to the new and ever improving you!

Up Next: Taking Dresses to the Max

Releasing Your Chicken Wings, Pt. 2

2009-06-10T17:14:00.018-04:00

Now that you have the tools to confidently flaunt those bare arms, what’s a girl to wear? Here are a few of my favorite short sleeved and sleeveless tops this season.

Short and Cap Sleeve Shirts

I am SO loving this cute rhinestone embellished tee from The Avenue. And who can resist that recession-friendly price at just $14.90?

My girls know that I am a sucker for a bold splash of color. That’s why I am digging this cap-sleeved flower-print tee, also available from The Avenue ($27.90).

Sleeveless Shirts

Typically, ruffles are not my friend (unless they are ruffle potato chips!), but this gorgeous ruffled sleeveless top from Lane Bryant ($19.99) was too cute to pass up.

This bold scoop neck top from Ashley Stewart ($29.00) just knocks me out. I love this beautiful mélange of greens and yellows and the wide black bands are figure forgiving.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Up Next: It’s Time to Get a Divorce!

Releasing Your Chicken Wings, Pt.1

2009-06-09T08:15:00.004-04:00

One topic that seems to ring true for many of my fellow curvy and fabulous divas in the summer is the dread of releasing our voluptuous upper arms or as I like to call them—the chicken wings— from the cage. If you are like me, I know that many of you are not fond of that extra skin that keeps jiggling and wiggling long after you stopped waiving. While I feel a little self-conscious about letting my wings flap from time to time, it gets much too hot in the DC Metro area to keep my wings in the cage. Here are a few do’s and don’ts for letting your arms loose for the summer.

DO

Love your arms NOW. While we all press toward the mark of the prize of Michelle Obama’s biceps, it’s OK if we are not there yet. In the meantime, focus on loving the arms that you have right NOW. Be grateful for all that your arms do for you every day, whether it’s picking up your child or browsing through clothing racks when you are nowhere near payday. Love your arms NOW!

Start small. If you aren’t comfortable with fully exposing your arms now, start small with a cap sleeve, quarter sleeve, or ruffle sleeve. These extra few inches will help you feel a little more covered and keep you cool.

Choose wider straps. When you are ready to let your wings loose, look for sleeveless tops with wider straps. The wider straps will help your body to look more proportioned and balanced.

Invest in a good strapless bra. Nothing says tacky like visible bra straps. A good strapless bra will help the “girls” stay high and lifted up and make your sleeveless tops look even better.

Moisturize! After you find the cute top to cap off your newfound confidence, show your arms off with a beautiful rich moisturizer. Two of my current favorites are Carol’s Daughter Shea Souffle in Almond Cookie (Absolute HEAVEN in a jar!) and Berry Butter.com’s Shea Butter in Cranberry Passion (Smells just like an island breeze). For a fun night on the town, add a little body glitter on for a more luminuous glow.

DON'T

Select straps that are too thin. For my curvy and fab divas who are a D cup and above (self included), thin straps are NOT a good look for us. Thin straps will make your breasts look like they are hanging from a leash and make your “cups” overflow.

Wear bear arms in the office. While most offices have relaxed dress codes in the summer, be sure that you have a nice summer-weight sweater or wrap to cover your bare arms in the office.

Go without a bra. If your sleeveless top is too sheer or too tight to wear with a bra, it needs to stay on the rack or only be worn for private audiences.

Let the wild kingdom emerge from your underarms. Don’t ruin your beautiful outfit by allowing the hair under your arms to get too wild. Take a few moments to ensure that you have the wild kingdom under control.

When you do venture out with your new sleeveless top, don’t spend the day pinching at your arms or trying to squeeze them at your sides. Get comfortable with the beautiful arms God gave you. Where ever you are in your journey to let your chicken wings loose, remember that the most beautiful part of any outfit is how good you feel about yourself.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Up Next: Releasing Your Chicken Wings, Pt. 2

A Beautiful New Beginning

2009-06-09T08:00:00.004-04:00

It’s been a long time, and I shouldn’t have left you without some dope fashion tips to step to! I’m back in the saddle with my 2.0 version of my plus-size fashion and beauty blog. I was hesitant to start blogging again and express my point of view because seemingly everybody and their Mama has a blog. But, I figured that I could convince a few people to enjoy my quirky blend of fashion, beauty, and spirituality. Here’s a taste of what you will find every week on this blog

Tips and reviews on the latest plus-size fashions and beauty trends
Open discussion about your plus-size fashion successes and challenges
Inspiration to help you learn to LOVE the skin you are in NOW!

And, here’s what will NOT be happening on this blog

Hate for my fellow long, lean, and fabulous divas
Malicious gossip about celebrities

In addition to being ridiculously fanatical about good plus-size fashion, I am equally passionate about exploring and strengthening my spirituality. Why in the world would I choose to infuse spirituality on a fashion blog? I’ve yet to meet a plus-size woman who hasn’t had to fight tooth and nail to feel strong and beautiful about herself. I know many curvy divas who can rock any outfit, any day of the week. But the most beautiful of these women are those who know and celebrate their beauty from the inside out.

I could give you all the latest and greatest plus-size fashion advice (which I intend to do!), but if you don’t feel confident and truly know that you are beautiful just as you are, then my work is in vain. It is NEVER my intention to shove my belief in God or my spiritual findings down anyone’s throat. If you find a quote or a thought that resonates with you, wear it with you as brightly as you would a beautiful new scarf. Take what you like and leave behind anything that doesn’t ring true for you. Hopefully, we call all learn how to be a bit more beautiful each day together.

Cheers to the new beginning of a BEAUTIFUL relationship, ladies.

Until next time,
Stay curvy and fabulous!

Up Next: Releasing Your Chicken Wings, Pt. 1